Cycle Limbo

Picture from: http://www.examiner.com/review/limbo-a-post-mortem

Wednesday, when I was sick with a nasty cold (and had to work), I posted that I had questions for our nurse. I updated that post with her answers from her call to me. One thing she told me, was that if our GC's period did not started by Friday, to have our GC call her. I promptly wrote it in my notes (where the questions were), sent a copy of those notes to my husband, and started to put a reminder on my calendar to be sure to call our GC on Friday.

"Started" being the operative word. I was distracted by actual work stuff (people come by my desk all the time) and when I got back to a blank calendar entry - I had no recollection what it was for. Between being sick and mission critical work stuff, I hoped that I would remember. Thursday turned into me only leaving my bed to RUN for bathroom necessities due to an added bonus of stomach flu.

Friday rolled around and I was able to work from home. I also had the outstanding attorney papers (almost 60 pages) that I had to start going through ASAP. By Friday night, something tugged on my memory and I realized I hadn't received the insurance information from our GC yet.

<insert important announcement here> I'll go ahead here and announce that our GC is my sister-in-law. She is my little brother's wife who graciously wondrously volunteered to assist us. <end insert>

In my juggling of balls, I guess I thought that getting the insurance information from my SIL was what I needed to do on Friday that was so important. My period hadn't started, but our nurse had told us that my SIL wouldn't be starting injections for 2 more weeks. I was confused and misunderstood this as her "medications". As in ALL medications.

Friday night my period started and I promptly emailed and called our clinic as instructed. Equally prompt was the automated reply (and answering message) informing me that my nurse was out of the office till Jan 2nd. Great. That meant I was going to have to deal with other people trying to get in for my Day 2/3 ultrasound/blood work. Was able to get a hold of someone at the clinic the next morning and they scheduled me to come in for Sunday morning 8:45 AM to get an ultrasound.

You can probably guess what happened at that appointment. First I got my ultrasound and then I was asked, as almost a side note, if our GC had started her period. When I said I didn't know, the nurse on call asked if we were doing fresh or frozen cycle. As I began to explain that we have to do fresh, it sinks in what I forgot. A wave of panic passes over me, except I'm not even sure why because no one has ever told me what it means if the GC hasn't started her period yet. Then I ask the dreaded question. The very pregnant nurse answers - since she hasn't started her meds to insure her lining will be right, we may not be able to start this cycle.

WHAM.

I guess after seeing my face, she decides to call my nurse who I guess is on vacation. We desperately try to get my SIL and brother on the phone. We finally do. Her period started on Saturday. I have no idea if she was supposed to start some medication then. Preggo nurse (can you tell I'm irritated that I have to deal with a pregnant nurse at a fertility clinic in the midst of all this?) tells me that our personal nurse will call us in a few hours. I go home and listen to an recorded meeting we had with our nurse a month ago. Sounds like my SIL should have come in for an ultrasound and blood work as well today. And it sounded like from the other nurse, some estrogen medication as well. Great - just great.

Now I sit and wait. And try to hold myself together. And try not to beat myself up (which is utterly impossible). And know my husband is upset with my forgetfulness, but trying to hold it together and not say anything.

11 follicles were seen this morning and no cysts. 

Running and Running

Yesterday was a day that started with me waking up in the middle of the night - running to the bathroom. Several times. I couldn't even see what time it was because the clock was slightly obscured and I was afraid any movement would have me running back to the cold tile.

Course that's the kind of thing that makes you afraid to sleep. So there I was, wide awake, trying my best not to do that little gaggy-thing you do before you throw-up, in fear that the muscle contraction would make me poo in my PJs. I had my Hello Kitty's on after all. Fortunately nothing like that happened and I was able to keep running when needed. By 7:30am, I was exhausted. 

During this time I was wondering to myself (and to my husband, whom had much pity on me), how this could have happened. My son had a violent bout of stomach problems for most of the day 3 days prior (and of course I was with him on Christmas), but my husband didn't seem to think that sort of thing was contagious. I remembered differently, but I wasn't exactly in a state to argue or even think straight. More than likely, he mused, it was the Thai food I brought home the night before. 

A little voice inside me feared it was a reaction to my Ganirelix. I've never had it before and wouldn't that be a disaster if we had to figure out a change of meds at the last minute? While I've never had quite the exploding reaction to any other meds (unless you count the time my mom made me take cough syrup and I instantly barfed), I still have a weird history of medicine reactions. Can't take anything from the Cipro class of antibiotics. Well, I guess I COULD in an emergency, but I would be freaking out and asking my husband repeatedly why he was looking at me funny (paranoia is only one of the lovely reactions it causes.) 

Turns out I just had my son's stomach flu. Spent most of the day in the bed (and bathroom), but by 5pm (and a forced dose of  1-2 mg of Melatonin to make me sleep), I was able to come downstairs and eat. (BTW: Melatonin is supposed to help us infertiles, but golly it sure does pack a wallop with me.) Was weak as all get out, but I feared shot #2 less than I thought I would. Perspective I suppose. Now a day later, EXCEPT FOR MY STUPID PERSISTENT COLD, I'm all better. 

Kinda makes me wish I had these:

Photographer and story behind pic here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/mararie/2137142469/

P.S. If you are a regular reader of my blog and are wondering about the answers to the questions I asked my nurse the other day, I updated the post to reflect the answers. Here it is: Day 1.5. I thought that would be better than to write an entire response post that are a few short sentences. 

Day 1.5

Yesterday Santa brought me a nasty cold. Wee! I managed to make it through the morning's festivities, but alas, was couch bound for the rest of the day. (On a separate note, the movie Mulholland Drive sucks - don't let anyone tell you differently.)

Nevertheless, I began my pre-cycle meds as described in my RE schedule. Namely I started the Vivelle-dot 0.1mg patch (estrogen), which I take every other day. Tonight I will add on to the patch and start a 3 day course of Ganirelix 250 mcg injections. Double wee!!!

I tried to think of a time in my life when I gave myself a shot and came up empty. Even with my couple year course of allergy shots as a kid. Even with my 2 previous IVF cycles in India. Ugh - I guess I should have checked for extra practice needles in my box, although now that I think about it, who the hell wants to take extra shots, practice or not.

Next step is "Await period Day Of Cycle 1 = First day of continuous menstrual flow (spotting is NOT day 1)". Great. Many times my periods are only spotting (due to my previous cryoablation surgery.) How should I determine that? So in typical "omg" last minute panic and realization that I have new questions, I sent the below email to my nurse. Hopefully they will get me some answers today.

UPDATE: rather than write a separate post on my nurse's answers, which were prompt, I'll just type them in red by each one. Nurse ended up calling me directly when I was at work, so my responses are just a quick summary.

P.S. Clearly I don't know how to count...But at least I caught it before she did. 
---------------------------------------
1.) Started the vivelle-dot today. Do these have to be changed out the same time (every other day) or can I change it out with my nightly shot (I put it on in the afternoon)? -->yes - that's fine

2.) It looks like I am suppose to start the Ganirelix tomorrow, but I am not positive because the date is wrong on your documentation (I think we may have previously discussed this on the phone, but I'm not positive now.) Please verify and send an updated copy. Also, please let me know if there is anything special I need to do/know regarding the shots. For some reason I thought we were going to have training on it, but we never did.-->tonight. around the same time. 

3.) I have been battling a very minor cold the last 2 weeks, but yesterday it took a turn for the worse. Today it is in full fledged mode. Please notify the doctor and let me know if there is anything I should or should not take for it. -->Take lozenges, any Tylenol line, robitusson but no DM, sudifed

4.) Last week I wrote you regarding an approximate drop-dead date for when the surrogate's cycle could start (and thus you would have to have a contract in hand.) Haven't heard back from you on this - please let me know. The lawyer has submitted the rough draft to us. --> earliest Friday. You have 2 1.2 weeks before her injections start. If she hasn't by Friday, call Mikesha on Friday. 

4.) Dr. Carpenter approved my taking supplements for the last few months. I need to know if and when I need to stop taking these. In particular the DHEA (75mg per day) as it is a hormone and I don't want it to interfere with the other hormones I am now taking. -->yes --continue taking all

5.) My 2 previous cycles I had cysts prior to the start of cycle. The first IVF cycle, we had to aspirate the cyst as it was interfering with my hormone levels (and consequently would have ruined the cycle.) I need to know if we need to do an ultrasound or blood tests to make sure this isn't occurring again. Dr. Carpenter is aware of my previous history with this. -->will come in on day 2 or 3 for ultrasound and bloodwork. Check it then. 

6.) My blood tests are complete. The FDA ones should be faxed to you directly from Quest. The remaining ones were done at Emory. Please let me know if I need to sign a release for you to get them. I believe you already have it on file, but since it is a new doctor, I am not positive. -->need to fill out a record release for emory to send over to ACRM. She will email. Email back to her or fax.

7.) The ACRM email system appears to remove emails after a certain period. This is very confusing and I worry that I might miss some documentation. It is also difficult for me to log on to the ACRM email system when I am in the office. If possible, I would prefer to use regular email rather than your website email system. Please copy my husband on return correspondence as well (his email is included in the CC line.) -->yes - that's fine. 

Thank you and I hope you had a great holiday.

The Plague and Me (or is it "in Me"?)

Grouchy, achey, and sick - that's me. (If I've offended anyone about anything, I apologize. My mind has been fraught with sickness, worry, and anger.)

I've had the flu for 3 days now AND my OB/GYN appointment last Friday revealed free-flowing fluid on my ultrasound. Not good. My doctor is suppose to call me with the results (radiology/ultrasounds are done in a different place then his office), but so far he has not. 

Having had an indeterminate* PID type infection many years ago, I know what a problem having free-flowing fluid can be. Last time it included antibiotics for about 6-8 weeks,  trouble walking for weeks, tons of abdominal pain, and admittance to the hospital for almost a week. Not exactly prime for IVF treatment. I'm willing to bet that's what caused one of my fallopian tubes to be blocked. 

If I don't hear from my OB/GYN by tomorrow morning, I'm going to have to call and explain that I need to get on antibiotics STAT. I should have gotten an extra dose of antibiotics after my last IVF treatment. The first cycle I asked for it because of my past issues, but I forgot this last time. Just went with the normal 1 treatment after IVF. Did I mention I don't react well to some antibiotics? Particularly the ones that are usually Rx'd for this sort of thing. Sigh.

And this stupid flu. I have so much to do before I start work on Monday and I'm too exhausted to do any of it. Was suppose to get a cavity filled tomorrow (that I've put off for MONTHS because of IVF) and now that's not going to happen. I certainly won't be able to take care of it when I first start work. Double sigh. 

Found out today that if I had gone to the doctor within 48 hours of flu symptons then I could have gotten an anti-viral that reduced the symptoms and reduce the length of time I was sick. Thought there was nothing you could do for the flu. Now it's been more than 48 hours. Should have gotten the stupid flu shot, but was worried about it with IVF. 

At least I have my wonderful husband. Not only makes the best homemade soup ever, but laughs at my grumpy faces. 

*the doctors never found the cause of the infection though I was later told it probably resulted from a polyp removal I had a month earlier. STDs, the most common culprit, was ruled out. When I asked why my doctor gave a diagnosis of PID, I was told "because that is what we label any infection of the pelvic area regardless if we know the cause or not".

A job, a surrogate, and possibly the flu

http://liannetaimenlore.blogspot.com/2012/08/edbp-movie-review-lion-witch-and.html

“All shall be done, but it may be harder than you think.” 
― C.S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

Two weeks ago my husband and I decided that I needed to go back to work. Our funds are greatly depleted and the time had come. This made me more than a little nervous on several counts.

1. I'm rusty in my job field. Not only because I took off 7 months for IVF treatments, but also because my last position had me doing a different area in my expertise. While that's all great and fine, the problem becomes two-fold in that I could either continue in that subcategory (with only 2 years experience) or go back to my old subcategory with well over a decade experience. Going back to the old actually means I have 2 years worth of catch-up to do as you have to constantly stay updated. 
2. Interviewing terrifies me. I don't know why, very few positions have I ever interviewed for did I not get a job offer, but they still terrify me. Like make me want to vomit type of terrify. Like my voice shakes and my mind can go blank type of terrify. Now that I think about it, maybe I have such a good success rate at job offers because I usually go with the one of the first couple. That gets me out of other interviews. Add on #1, and I simply did not feel ready to interview. 
3. Wasn't sure how this would fall inline with our IVF treatments. What if our surrogate here doesn't work out? Then we are back to looking at India. Can't exactly take time off to go there for 3 weeks when I'm brand new at a company. We don't save any money by doing IVF in India, only surrogacy, but I don't have confidence that my embryos will make it to freeze. Need to look at things to increase our chances, not decrease.

As my grandfather used to famously say "Oh well, what the hell" and thus I dived into job search mode. Went on a interview last week, felt like puking (before and after!), thought I bombed part of it, and lo-and-behold, they loved me. Took an online technical test and scored high. Job was offered immediately (like within 5 minutes of me completing the test!)  So here I am getting ready to start my contract-to-perm position next Monday. Have a shit load of studying to do before then. 

In other news, we met with our friends (husband and wife) that are considering surrogacy for us. We have to meet with our clinic here in Atlanta to find out some more answers, but I felt really good talking with them. Made me realize that they had thought it through (at least with the information they had) and wanted to think it through some more after we laid all the heavy duty stuff on them. That's actually a really good sign to me. 

The next day my friend emailed me and said she went through the forms and wanted me to check with the doctor about a medical issue she had years ago. We have an appointment with my clinic on the 30th, so I will have my list of compiled questions then. Meanwhile, I also have a phone consultation this week with another clinic via Skype. 

The only big concern my friends really had was insurance. They've had problems with theirs in the past. If we have to buy insurance, pay for a ton of new medical tests for all 4 of us, plus attorney fees, then that may be too cost prohibitive. Won't really know until we speak with some clinics. Don't even know if they will still take me. 

And if this all seems a bit lacking in the segue arena - it's because I fairly certain I have the flu. Sigh.