Spot Check Part 2: Calming down

Right now I've calmed down enough to realize my spotting yesterday may  have been caused by the sonogram on Thursday. It has happened before with a sonogram. I don't know why it didn't occur to me till this afternoon when I was at a baby shower and was relieved to see no blood on a ladies room break. (Sorry to be so graphic.)  Or it could have been a minor nick on the cyst. I think if it had burst at 5cm, then there would have been a lot more blood.

Must have been pale as a ghost last night and my wonderful hubby helped calm me down. All I could think of was how I had some how messed up my last chance. I'm still a little worried, but not massively freaked out like I was last night. Tiny, tiny spot this morning, but then no more blood today. I was so freaked out last night I took an extra BCP. I may take extra ones till the 5th just to be sure.

Thinking that my side effects (like dizzy) may be merely from the cyst itself. (Or the freak out!) Not surprised that I had one as I had started cramping on occasion. I'm not bleeding today, so I'm hoping and hoping that the sonogram caused it. If I'm ok till Monday, then I will be able to breath a sigh of relief. If I'm not, I will contact Dr. Patel in India. As long as I am not bleeding, I will try not to worry.

In other news, if all goes well, I will have my cyst aspirated in India. Not ideal (will be alone initially and I will have to undergo general anesthesia), but I don't have much of a choice. Was able to confirm that my OB/GYN had been talking about laparoscopy and Dr. Patel said that she would have to cancel the cycle if I did that. Dr. I's staff (and he) were using laparoscopy and aspiration interchangeably (they most certainly are NOT) and after a series of confusing discussions with his staff, I was finally able to clarify with him on Friday morning. Apparently he DOES NOT aspirate, and told me that an infertility clinic would have to do that.

We have a really good infertility clinic here (ACRM) that we have used for all of our initial tests, but the chance I would be able to get an appointment in time are very slim. Not to mention that it most certainly WOULD NOT be covered under insurance. My old company insurance covered some things, but my husband's BCBS covers next to nothing for infertility. The mere fact something is done at an infertility clinic usually means they won't pay for it. The money we have spent at the infertility clinic does not even go against our yearly deductible.

Just as well. My husband did not have a warm and fuzzy about my having it so close to international travel. And my travel to India is not direct - it usually takes about 36 hours of travel time. I don't sleep well on planes, trains, or automobiles (all of which I have to take), so it's best to do it in India. Dr. Patel said she would do it and she did it last time. Pretty sure she didn't even charge us extra. Hopefully it doesn't affect the cycle.

Please keep your hopes/prayers/warm wishes for me that it was just a result from the sonogram and that I will have a successful cycle in Anand. 

Special Lady Cocktails

When I first was swept up by the internet infertility tornado, I remember reading forum posts from other hopeful women. Falling on a theme (as I often do), I obsessed over the ridiculousness of women taking all kinds of crazy pills - usually without having a doctor recommend them. OMG! DO YOU JUST TAKE ANYTHING YOU FIND ON THE INTERNET??? Some posts swore by the helpfulness while others confessed that they worried it may have hurt. Once discovered, some doctors gave full-on lectures how it was not appropriate for the poster's situation, only to find out that someone else (usually another doctor) in their clinic had told them to take it. Truthfully, I was personally affronted that such naivety and desperateness could drive women to arbitrarily take anything in an attempt to conceive.

The picture above is from MY house. That's right, Ms. Holier-than-thou is ...well, the same as everyone else.

At first it started small. My first pill was THE PILL, and I was told I would have to take it by my Indian doctor to make sure I was synced properly for my IVF treatment. Fair enough. I called my OB/GYN and promptly got a prescription. Let me mention here that I do not like taking birth control pills (bcp) as not only does it make me gain weight and experience occasional nauseousness, but sometimes I experience additional glum side effects (depending on the brand). Fine - whatever - I set my alarm on my phone to give me a daily reminder; particularly because my history of remembering to take medicine on a daily basis is pretty dismal. Especially BCP. Our local IVF doctor also advised to add a pre-natal vitamin (another item bound to make me nauseous) and I immediately relented as I ran to our local Publix.

Baby aspirin and acupuncture were added to the regime - the latter being something I normally would have scoffed at a year earlier. Doctor semi-recommend it and so I shelled out the cash. My husband gave me the big-eye, but I'm guessing he recognized my fervent look and said nothing. 100 bucks a pop for 6 weeks = not cheap. What can I say except I wanted no regrets.

IVF treatment #1 was dismal. 2 eggs retrieved, only 1 fertilized. Even that 1 took a damn long time to fertilize.

Now I am prepping for treatment #2. In typical fashion, I have been obsessively researching similar cases. Not just blog posts, but academic papers and any type of current research I can lay my grubby little eyes on. A clinic in India recommended 25mg of DHEA for 3 months. I rush to pull up the scientific documentation and realized all of the research is really based on a tiny Tel Aviv study. The study showed a significant difference in live birth rates with women who were poor responders and took 75mg of DHEA for 40 days vs women who did not. A follow-up study had additional encouraging results. Screw the 25mgs -I only had about 40 days till cycle, I was going to go full boat - 75mgs it is! [I would like to make a note here that I was not able to take the full 75mg initially because of side effects. I had to build up and even now I have minor side effects.]

Next I read how melatonin could also help woman with poor ovarian reserve and immediately I was hunting down more articles and recommended amounts. 3mgs seemed to be the magical number, but that amount knocked me on my butt. Still 1-2mg was doable and thus it was added. Combining it with the DHEA means I sleep really well, but I'm groggy as all get-out when I wake up. Heaven help me if I don't get a full 8-9 hours. Oddly enough, my friend says she takes 10mg all the time and it barely helps her sleep. What can I say? I'm a lightweight.

Did I stop there? Heck no! I was on a search that day and after reading some articles (which I can not find at the moment) regarding myo-inositol, my amazon shopping cart increased. Among other things, myo-inositol was suppose to help women with cyst issues and a giant cyst almost caused a no-go last cycle. My OB/GYN found a cyst last year and I began to wonder if some of the pain issues I had felt over the last year were cyst related. GIVE ME MYO-INOSITOL NOW!!!

There were a few other things on the list, but these 3 new items had good scientific data to back them up and they applied to women with similar (if not exact) conditions. The other pills I noticed my fellow women-at-arms were taking were either less scientifically regarded or didn't apply to me. Besides, as I mentioned before, I'm a light weight and I wanted to see how I was going to handle this new concoction.

Which brings me to last week. I'm not quite sure HOW I ended up at the Rainbow (read: hippie) Grocery store - but all of a sudden I found myself at the cashier's stand with CoQ10, some fancy fish oil supplements, and yes even some Royal Jelly that was well hidden in a jar of honey. And some awesome low-sugar dried mango. And a yummy nut mix. And Activated Charcoal that I told myself would be good to have on hand if my dogs ever get into something they shouldn't. Somehow I think my subconscious was trying for an easy excuse to get some for me. You know. Just in case.

"Just a spoon full of sugar..." (or honey) 

Stupid BCPs

It's official: my back really freaking hurts. Like worst-period-in-the-world hurts. For days now. I've come to the conclusion, based on other "girl problems", that this is the result of taking BCP*. Oh joy. My body wants my period to start and we are artificially postponing it. It's like a freaking war.

Let me back up a bit. Because my period decided to start early 2 months in a row, we had to change when I start my BCPs. Especially since plane and hotel reservations had already been booked for IVF treatment to start in India. What this means is that I had to start BCP a week later AND have to continue with active pills for 28 days instead of 21 days. Yep - I knew my body would LOVE this roller-coaster.

When I was 15 my OB/GYN put me in birth control to help with severe period problems. Unfortunately, most of the time it created more issues. Over the years we tried various kinds, and I think we finally found one that worked, but then I stopped taking BCP and by the time I went back on we couldn't remember which one was the one that caused the least amount of symptoms. Pile on top my ADD** and I would forget to take my pills all the time, causing my period to be everlasting. Wheeeeeeeee! Needless to say, it's been awhile since I have taken BCPs.

So for the last few days I've been dealing with ever-increasing back pain. Having had cryoblation uterine surgery several years ago, this is one of the symptoms that I have not had to deal with much until recently. (I say recently because as my uterine lining has begun to grow back, so has my symptoms have begun to return in increasing degrees.) Nothing like this back pain though; it's been a good 5 years since I've had to deal with this. Holy crap. Any time I take a deep breath it's even worse. Basically I'm walking around not wanting to breath: no fun.

Add on the lovely headache and nausea I now feel every night and I am a barrel full of monkeys good time.
Wine would probably help, but I'm really trying to not drink right now before my IVF treatment. Plus I've only been awake for an hour...Drinking all day probably isn't the best plan for me right now.

I've  tried yoga and back massages (thanks hubby!!!) to no avail. Maybe some Ibubrofen will help. That used to give me some relief. Unfortunately it will do nothing for my tiredness, headache, and nausea that will come later today. Blerg. Given my propensity of having side effects with medicines, I'll bet my IVF treatment is going to be a hootenanny.

*BCP stands for birth control pills
** I still use the older term ADD to differentiate from the hyperactivity symptom most commonly associated with ADHD. 

Playing catch up and one week to go!

Historical clock in downtown Prague

Sorry for my absence. I've actually been keeping up with most things going on (thank you Flipboard on iPhone), but my data is limited on my iPhone for international travel. So much going on in the IVF-surro-blogosphere!  Very exciting stuff! I've been reading every few days, but posting comments and writing posts from my phone was not as easy as one expects. Next time I will have it down better.

Husband had an additional surprise for me earlier this month and took me on a world-wind trip. Apparently he had been planning this one for a long time as well. He told me that this is it for our vacation plans for a long time now. He originally planned and paid for this before we knew the costs of IVF/Surrogacy and before I lost my job. Oh and before we got a big fat unexpected tax bill yesterday. But never mind all that - we had a wonderful time in Venice and Prague. I really have the best husband imaginable. I'm fairly certain I took close to 800 pictures. Both cities are beautiful and incredibly romantic.

Now I have a week to get ready for our IVF treatment in India. I'm nervous to say in the least. I had to start talking BCPs again (need to be in sync for treatment start and surrogate) and that has been a bit of a pain. Often I am sensitive to medications and I am remembering why I stopped taking oral contraception many, many years ago. (Had nothing to do with wanting to get pregnant!)

The last 4 or 5 days I have felt bloated and nauseated. I ache easily and I'm testier than normal. If this is what a little BCP does to me, than what can I expect from the IVF medications? Since I actually had to start my birth control a week late and will have to continue the active pills for an additional week, I can only imagine the battle my body is going through. Bleck.

India. One week. I'm nervous like I have never been before. I've been to India before and never felt as nervous as I do now. So many things racing through my brain. More later.