Cupid's Gift

Artwork by Setsiri Silapasuwanchai

Purchase here

Today could have been the best or worst Valentine's: this morning we had our ultrasound. Originally it was supposed to be on Saturday, but we realized that there was a miscommunication and that they don't do non-required-cycle ultrasounds on Saturday. That's a story in itself that at this point bores even me, so I will spare you the details.

I think I may have held my breath as the ultrasound began. My husband has never seen an ultrasound, which seems incredulous now that I think about it, so it was a completely new experience for him. (I've lost count on how many I've had in the last year alone!) After what seemed like forever (really just a few seconds), the big black circle came into focus. With a little white circle (yolk sack) inside. And a blinky heartbeat that measured at 129 beats per second. The doctor said it was perfect.

And then she showed us #2... Equally perfect.

New word for the day: Abaya

Popular Abaya designer aab:  http://aabuk.wordpress.com/

I'm stewing over some stuff from the last week and this week, so in the interim you get a fashion post. You've been warned about these things before. It's your own fault for reading...
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I'm not even sure I should write this post. There is a high likelihood that it will draw an unfavorable comment or two, which would be the exact opposite of my intent. Still, on my recent trip to India I came across something I have never seen before, and quit frankly, mislabeled (in probably a horribly politically incorrect phrase) as a bedazzled burqa. Thus for a moment I will pause here and say that I do not wish to judge or have others judge a woman's motivation to wear certain styles of clothes on this post. This is an extremely complicated subject that I feel is better left discussed elsewhere.

Now that we got that seriousness out of the way - back to my point: BEDAZZLED burqas! Ok, after stumbling across an article in Hindustan Times, I was given a small lead that what I marveled at in Gujurat on many occasions, may not have actually been a burqa. According to the article, "designer Anand Bhushan says, 'Even we may not be able to tell an abaya from a burqa. So, we shouldn’t feel hurt. After all, Hermes did a whole sari collection. What bigger compliment do we need?'"  First I thought to myself, "that Hermes sari line IS pretty fabulous" and then I thought, "wait - what is an abaya?" 


Let me back up for a minute. India has a diverse population that consists largely of Hindus and Muslims (other's too, but for the sake of brevity, we won't get into all of that for now.) In Kashmir, for instance, there is about a 95% Muslim population, though it is a major tourist area and thus you see many Indians from all over the country with all sorts of backgrounds. Here is where I saw about 10% of the resident female population (that was out in public) in full burqas on a previous trip. In Gujarat (where I just returned from), there is a much, much smaller Muslim population, but as it borders Pakistan you will see various levels of Muslim tradition reflected in attire (men and women). What I began to notice in Gujarat was the more traditional styles of Islamic outfits were somewhat different than what I have previously been exposed to. 

It started as we passed through a train stop. I was casually looking out the window when I saw a woman dressed from head to toe (including veil) that was somehow different. Part of it was her hijab, but part of it was simply her. She had a confidence about her that is rare anywhere. She was tall, lean, wore expensive (vision) eye-wear, and had one hand on her hip. Then I noticed her outfit. Though it certainly covered everything, even it was remarkably beautiful.  Like she had stepped off a runway, put on her glasses and veil, and went off to catch a train with her friend. Something a little like the picture below except WITH SPARKLES

from:  http://fashion.officialtips.com/uncategorized/abaya-in-fashion.html 

Or like this (replace the white WITH SPARKLES)

from:  http://she9.blogspot.com/2010/06/new-abaya-style-latest-bridal-abayas.html 

Rarely am I floored by a woman I see for 60 seconds, but this one was stunning.

Over the next week and a half, I noticed that the Muslim women dressed in all black all had little extras to their outfits. Mostly it was crystals, sometimes only small patterns and sometimes ones that would rival a teenager with a swarovski addiction. There were also lots with lace or chiffon worked into the sleeves and hems. All such new styles and not at all the image we westerners often have of such things. 

Don't get me wrong, this post is neither pro or con: simply to highlight how I am constantly amazed how things are not always how we think they are. I love traveling and seeing new things, and this was just another reminder of this. Should I ever travel to a country where a heavier coverage is required of me it's good to know that there is as wide a variety in this as anything else.

In one of the large shopping marts we frequented,  I remember seeing a young lady in one of these beautiful decorated abayas, veil over her face, at the checkout lane with her friends in various outfits. She was the only one with a veil, but some had abayas and some wore other typical Indian attire. As I looked across the room at her I noticed something else: eyes wrapped expertly with kohl were staring back at ME in wonderment. The blonde hair, blue-eyed, Caucasian girl dressed like an Indian complete with bangles on my arms, bindi on my forehead, and  sindoor in my hair. What a sight I must have been to her. 

We interrupt this pity party to talk about fashion

Instead of feeling sorry for myself I am going to do what usually helps me and write/talk about something totally unrelated. (The more light-hearted, the better.) And in typical western style, I'm going to write about something I know very little bit about and pretend to be an authority. Yay! Today's topic: saris.

What encouraged this post? Shortly after meeting my now-husband, I began to obsess over Indian wear. Specifically saris, but if I had an opportunity to wear a lehenga, I'd jump at it. Sadly I do not; Still, not all is lost because a.) I totally <3 saris and b.) I've got a rockin collection of them now; mostly fancy, but some everyday ones too.

My collection of books has taught me about styles, patterns, history, and even the social life of a sari, but provided little on how to actually wear one. Thus I had to tirelessly search the internet for instructions and videos; let me tell you, there are a lot of confusing and poorly done videos/instructions in interweb land. To save you some time, I'll list some basic how-tos at the bottom of this post to get you up and running.

The other day, I came upon this new book called: Saris: An Illustrated Guide to the Indian Art of Draping (Spiral bound). Actually it is not new at all (1997), but man is it informative! 130 pages of different ways to tie the sari (usually by region), illustrated images, and generally a page or two worth of information for each style.  It's quite fascinating and helped me get a better understanding of why the nurses in Gujarat quickly redid my sari right before my sonogram (never-mind I might mess my pleats up in the stirrups.) Apparently the Eastern style of Bihar can be quite different than its Western counterpart in Gujarat.

The book is awesome. Page after page of different ways to wear a sari with surprisingly clear illustrations. You can tell that much research when into the book and I have seen where it's contents have been lauded by Indians and Westerners alike. The only major problem is that it IS a fashion book and as such the styles of draping may have somewhat changed since it's publication. Still, it shows a plethora of information that I see is currently worn in my travels throughout India.

One thing I didn't find in the book is on pleating the front part and pallav/pallu (prounced palloo); collectively sometimes called mundanai. This seems to not only be the hardest part to master, but consequently the part most often ignored. I've gotten better at it, but it takes practice, practice, practice. I've yet to find a good source on this besides family and friends.

Most westerners wouldn't even notice the difference, but trust me, the well-dressed Indian woman does. Quite frankly a poorly pleated mundanai/pallu can look sloppy when done wrong. If you are in a place where pleats on top are the style (like Gujarat), than you might want to sheepishly ask for someone's help. In my experience you will be greeted with excitement at the request. Take pictures when it is complete so you can blow it up later and analyze by the truckloads. I prefer the styles that drape down my arm, but it's always good to know how to switch for weather, location, or convenience.

As promised, I am going to give you my very non-experienced opinion on things to look out for when wearing a sari. Most of these suggestions originated from my own mistakes and women whom I respect impressing upon me certain protocols.

1.) Never let your petticoat show - especially across the bottom. Not even a teeny-tiny bit. It's bad form and is akin to letting your underwear hang out. Which leads me to #2

2.) Watch your bra strap. Despite what you may see on occasion, bra straps should be hidden at all times. Lots of cholis have bra ties on the underside of the  shoulders, but if the back style on your choli is fancy, you may want to incorporate some safety pins into the game.

3.) Buy a crap load of safety pins in various sizes. Not only will you need them for the top, but as one of the videos at the bottom points out, there are some great uses for them for the bottom. TRUST ME - you'll want to use them. And for those tricks, get the GOOD large safety pins, not the flimsy large ones. (Ones for western jewelry making suck.)

4.) Personal pet peeve: usually the top covers both breasts completely. Too often I see women let is slide down on the side (where it goes under the arm) and it doesn't look right; basically it looks sloppy. We've all made the mistake, but unless you have a sari where the choli is supposed to show all over, keep the side pulled up. There are certain styles where it is fine, like here and here, but if you google images for sari, you will notice that most of them have the "girls" covered. Inexperienced sari wearers (like myself) should heed; you can even put a tiny pin on the side to help it stay in place.

5.) When dressing in a sari, put your shoes on first. That will let you know what length to adjust it to. Typically feet are covered.

WHERE TO BUY THE BOOK:
There is a sample section here and here. The latter also has a place to order it for $30.00 if you live in the US. The former has a link from the publisher, but Google will give you some warnings if you click it. I went to the Google detail page and saw that there were no current problems, but that was at the time of this writing. I personally bought mine from Barjon's Books, which is what the publisher website recommends anyway for US ($30 + $7 for S&H). You will have to call them as they do not have an online order form, but the gentleman is very nice and I got it within days.


I would avoid Amazon (US) as only individual sellers have it and they are charging way too much for it ($55-$210). Unless you live in a city with a top fashion school (e.g., New York, London, Paris), don't count on finding it in a library either. My cursory check of libraries only found them at these places. 

INSTRUCTIONS (feel free to list more):
Good basic short video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxyyplADV5o

This is a great video to show you pinning tricks that other videos often miss. One compliant I have of this video is the sloppy way the original speaker has her sari where it goes under the arm and crosses the chest. In my experience with some of the most elegant sari wearer's I know, this is a serious no-no.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nb6yrpF_5_0&feature=related

Basic instructions (you will see the same ones all over the web):
http://www.utsavfashion.com/saree/wearsari.htm

The APP!
Great basic app. In my experience, the pleats (on the bottom) go more towards the center, but this helps you with some finer details that most of us have trouble with.
SariApp

Happy sari wearing!