Tomorrow is the Day: Random Thoughts the Day Before

Work has been wicked busy (and good), thus I haven't had a whole lot of time to perform my usual obsessiveness during this period. With the weekend here and time so close, it's starting to creep in. I flip between wanting to look at baby stuff and then quickly switching to something else.

Tomorrow night we are celebrating my son's birthday - 21. (Holy crap - when did that happen?!?) His actual birthday is not that day, but he already had plans on his birthday (free sporting event tickets with great seats!) and I had a choose a different night. It didn't occur to me that I was choosing the night that could be either a very sad or very happy one for us. I'd hate to steal his thunder or put a damper on such an eventful birthday. Though now that I think about it, he would be thrilled at the good news. When I mentioned my poor date choice to my husband he became slightly surly and thought I was already thinking negatively; I quickly assured him I was not. 

Add dinner to tomorrows schedule of things, and then I saw that friends need help sewing costumes with a recital they are having next week. I was supposed to be in it, but I bowed out of the recital once I realized that it would be too hard with to do with the IVF cycle. Still, I had to explain that I probably couldn't help with the sewing aspects tomorrow either. I hate that, but it is what it is. Almost no one in that group is aware of our infertility problem and I can't imagine getting the phone call in the middle of all of that. Not to mention I'm sure my husband wants us to be together for that moment. 

By far this has been our best cycle and some part of me wonders if we had had the opportunity to do it here earlier (instead of India), if the results wouldn't have turned out better for the other cycles. We will never know for sure, but I suspect it may have. The cyst probably killed my first cycle and we would have waited if we weren't already in India. After the second cycle we found out that BCP lowers chances in women my age, something that is hard to avoid when you have to fly across the world and time everything. Actually, had I known that prior, I probably would have just flown out earlier and not taken any. Maybe. I'm not sure if we could have been that flexible with my husband's schedule. Who really knows except that this last cycle, which should have been the worst, was my best. By far. 

Sad to think that this is our last cycle with my eggs. Not to be Debbie-downer (I am hopeful), but if it doesn't work then we are in limbo for awhile. We will go to egg donation, but who knows when we will be able to do that or the logistics of it. While I won't feel a disconnect from any future baby we have that isn't biologically tied to me, I will feel a disconnect from my husband and his family. I don't know exactly how to explain that statement and any attempt to try would probably muddle it up even more. 

Plus , I so genuinely want to see what a mix of our genes would produce. Like most couples, I think we will/would make beautiful babies that will/would go on to do great and wonderful things. I would miss seeing the flicker of mischievousness from my Grandfather,  the possibility of light blue eyes (that have never changed due to any marriage mix), and the beauty and intelligence that I could point out from so many that came before me. Children are wonderful no matter where they come from, but there is something longing in me that wants the physical reminder of my loved ones that have passed to carry on in our future child. 

Sad to think it's our last cycle and a relief. Cycling is harder than I imagined and you have to put so many restrictions on yourself. So grateful to be able to resume wine, regular caffeine  and long hot baths. To not take a daily dose of supplements that make me rage/cry/get acne/grow more facial hair/etc.. Grateful not to have to pump more hormones and all the fun things that go with that. To not have to worry about gaining more weight; wondering if I need to buy a new wardrobe or just put my body on hold for yet a few more months. This week I was finally able to make appointments to get a cavity filled (anesthesia) and see my dermatologist (where most things Rx'd are no-nos for IVFers).  

My eggs are literally all in one basket. It can go either way. We transferred many embryos, but not more than the embryologist felt comfortable with. On one hand that makes me excited because it gives us a higher chance, on the other hand it makes sad thinking that our chances are so low to begin with that it's ok.  

Deep breath. 

Off to take a bath and think happy thoughts. If happy thoughts don't come, there's always my fallback: Grey's Anatomy. That sh#t's addictive and engrossing. Have lots to keep me busy today, so I need to get off the computer and try and dive into that. Tomorrow is the day and hopefully we will have great news. 

Off-Topic - Women and Rape

Yesterday, the woman in the Dehli rape case that has made world headlines, passed away from organ failure. Her death a direct result of the rape and beatings she received. World news organizations, twitter, and even facebook (normally lacking in world news excepting a small percentage) all have references. All of the information made me pause. And think. On so many levels.

Some of what I write here may be controversial - be forewarned.

One of the [several] reasons we chose to go back to Gujarat in September for our second cycle versus Delhi was a safety issue. Please note I have never seen a safety issue posted on any of the blogs who have undergone IVF in Delhi  Our concern was more from my husband's personal experience as an Indian. You see, even according to the lauded Times of India, Delhi is considered the rape capital of India. I've heard this reference made by many media outlets and people, on both sides of the ocean.

We even have family in Delhi  but my husband just did not have a good feeling about me staying there by myself. Even though I assured him that many, many western women have gone and I've never seen a problem. Plus from the blogs it seems like no one is really ever alone there and everyone looks out for one another. Perhaps he knew too well my proclivity to throw caution to the wind. When we considered it for a brief period - he made me promise that I would NEVER go out after dark. EVER.

In contrast, I never once had a safety concern in Anand. Ah well, at least not with regards to walking around. There were the occasional medical things that I raised an eyebrow on and spoke out about. Something I probably would not have encountered in the more modern town of Delhi. (My husband was surprised with a few things as well - city boy.) Should there been a serious emergency medical problem, the hospital facilities in Delhi would have been far superior. But walking to my favorite restaurant at 9pm? No problem.

But, this really isn't a ding about Dehli at all. And if you are considering it, it is not meant to scare you away from your decision. If I've given you a genuine fear then I suggest you talk to people that have done IVF in Delhi, because remember - I have not. This is my blog and thus I post my thoughts, feelings, and considerations - I am posting this because it is honestly one of the things we thought about when choosing. There were other things too, but the recent news reminded me and made it relevant to post. Plus, let's be real. There are places all over the US (including here in Atlanta) where my husband not want me walking around alone after dark.

But this post isn't really to compare Delhi with Anand or the US, although that's how it initially began in my mind. It's really to point out why comparisons about rape places really suck. Even when you mean well. Earlier I had a friend post the following on facebook:
I am feeling especially blessed tonight as I read reports of the woman who was raped in India and has subsequently died. Sometimes it is easy to forget how truly blessed we are to be born in the United States, and the privileges we are provided simply by being a citizen of this country.

Read that again and take it all in.
..........................................
............................
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ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!

My husband pointed out that sometimes people write things because they don't know what else to say. Or it makes them feel better. I feel way more visceral towards that post. Not in an "India versus US" type of way - but more a "are you so stupid you don't know that horrible rape happens to women in the US every day???" way?

Somewhere in the back of my mind I realized that the poster didn't mean anything bad by it, so I closed my computer up for the day and sat saddened thinking about it for a long time afterwards. Today I made a public post:

Yesterday I saw some posts on facebook and twitter, commenting on the rape/death in Delhi and how great it is to be an American. 
Let us be clear:

Rape happens in the US all the time. 
With women.
With children.
With horrible beatings that bring death.
Human trafficking still exists here in the US, with Atlanta as the USA's #1 hub.
The number of rapes are reported in the US are staggering.
The number that are not reported are even more staggering.
The number of convictions are pathetic.

If we don't realize that these horrible, horrible things occur HERE, EVERYDAY, almost every minute of EVERYDAY, then THAT is part of the problem.
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Yes, the irony of how I have flipped this post is not lost on me. I judged and then I was mad at someone else's judgement. Maybe things are not always so black and white. 

Don't Forget the Biscuits: Ode to Chai

From: http://www.crazyfortea.com/howtomakechaitea.html

My first introduction to chai was through my now-husband-then-boyfriend. Given the fact that I've heard the comment "would you like a little coffee in your milk?" on more than one occasion  it's no surprise that I instantly fell in love with this wondrous drink: chai - otherwise known as "Indian tea".*  With it's high caffeine content a novice has to be careful of his/her consumption, but it's still my favorite drink. I just can't drink it as often as I would like.

Imagine my surprise, after having traditional every day chai (sometimes several times a day when my Indian in-laws visited), when I ordered my first Starbucks chai. Not. The. Same. Thing. It was like autumn had taken all her baking spices and threw up in my milk steeped tea. Which I suppose is fine if you are expecting it and haven't had it the normal way 100+ times, but not so much if you are used to it less spicy. Kind of funny when you stop and think that a US way of doing something is more spicy than the average Indian way. (Not to be confused with chai masala - which by definition is spicy tea.)

Let me point out - there are a TON of ways to make chai and in my experience even the same family can argue over whose is better  (naturally) - but it still isn't going to stop and make you wonder if there is pumpkin pie floating around in the saucepan. You still taste the TEA. That's kinda the main focus: tea and milk.

Let me also point out that you should never call it chai tea. It's a little on the redundant side. If you want to get technical, I believe that chai is the plant and tea is the product, but blah blah blah blah blah - yea just don't call it chai tea. Most people in the know will just tell you it's like saying "tea tea". There's a recipe floating around on pinterest that not only calls it chai tea, but also included powdered creamer in it's list of horrendous ingredients. I'd post a link, but the lady seems nice enough and people like her version. Who am I to go all internet cray-cray and be like "HOW DARE YOU!!!!" as if I've been drinking it since birth.

This post really was just an excuse for me to post an internet recipe for chai I like. So here is the basic recipe I follow. And no, I don't like this recipe simply because she agrees with a bunch of what I have written here. I like it because this is very similar to what we make here at home, and what we most encounter over in India. We usually add around 4-5 crushed cardamon pods for 2 large mugs of chai. Sometimes we use ginger and every ONCE IN AWHILE we use nutmeg INSTEAD. We also add our sugar later as to not boil too much off, but that's something new we are doing so we can add less sugar.

And don't forget the biscuits. Because my father-in-law would be disappointed with you and he is a very nice man. Definitely don't forget the biscuits.


*In certain parts of India when I ask for chai, I am served English tea. I'm fairly certain it's because I am caucasian  because it never happens to my husband, but I've learned to specify "Indian tea" when I want my beloved chai. 

** Disclosure: If you are going through IVF treatments, then you are supposed to limit your caffeine. That might be hard to do once you drink chai a few times, so don't say I didn't warn you. 

New Advances in Infertility

Each of these mouse pups was born from an egg scientists created using embryonic stem cells. 

On thursday, NPR had a fascinating story on a breakthrough discovery for infertility. Even more fascinating  they did it with induced pluripotent stem cells (as opposed to the controversial embryonic stem cells). If they can do it for women, then not only will it reduce/eliminate the biological clock worry, but also provide a solution for the dreaded "unexplained infertility" diagnosis that plagues so many women. This will be a game changer for future generations of infertile women. There are even great implications for men with sperm issues, as well  as the many hurdles faced by the LGBT community.

Alas, this will not apply to many of us currently in the throes of infertility. All is not lost. Many doctors are currently working on various cell technologies that apply to infertility. Autologous Endometrial Coculture is one example of a technology promising encouraging results. What does all that fancy wording mean? The short of is that they take cells from the lining of a woman's uterus and use them as a more natural environment for fertilized eggs than the previous methods. Studies have shown that in certain cases embryo development is improved, as are IVF success rates.

Dr. Patel's clinic in India is working with a similar concept: certain clients can qualify for the case study in which natural cells from the IVF patient are used to surround the egg pre-fertilization. They are seeing an increase in fertilized eggs and while it's too early to determine if this results in actual healthy babies born, I can say I was very impressed to learn that 3 out of 4 of my eggs were fertilized with this method. There is more to this method than I am [purposely] describing, but that is better left to the professionals or perhaps, when I can be less emotionally attached to the subject matter.

I have no idea if this will help the quality of my eggs/embryos in the long run, but it is still very exciting. My first cycle ended up with 2 eggs and only 1 of those fertilized. That 1 egg took over 24 hours to fertilize. On my second cycle (with the new protocol) I had 4 eggs extracted and out of those 3 fertilized. Like my first cycle, one of those was a late bloomer, but maybe it's the one implanted now and thus causing a lower hcg. Apparently my case is not an anomaly as the Akanksha Infertility Clinic is seeing really encouraging results with women that qualify for the case study. Even if it doesn't work for me, I will be really excited if this helps improve success rates for women in general.

Science is so cool. 

Bye bye India

Sniff sniff.

I met some really great people this trip: some only briefly and some were there every step of the way. (And to the cute girl asking me if she should blog - YES! I won't mention your name in case you want to end up going incognito like me, but I think it would be great if you did.) Best of luck to all my fellow IVFers and surro buddies.

Would also like to mention how much I really like our surrogate. She is a beautiful (inside and out), healthy, bright, and charming young woman. Exactly what I hoped for. Hopefully, fate will shine down on us in this and in the future.

Was happy to have a chance to see some of our family while we were here, even if only briefly. Wish we had more time, but alas it was not so.

So much to write, but I'm on my phone and need to start prepping for our long flight, so I'll cut it short for now. Made lots of notes along the way, to write for a different day.

Bye bye India. Hope to see you soon.

Happy Ganesha Chaturthi!

And Happy birthday Ganesha!!!

Wish I could see the whole immersion ceremony, but I guess that is for another time.

Large idol outside my hotel

Guys giving some sweet powder to kids (and me!) 

Day 9: 12 are good to go!

12 follicles are between 16-21mm and 1 is at 14mm. YAY YAY YAY. This is so much better than last time (and with the original 5 we thought we were starting with). I'm still on the antagonist protocol, but with extra meds that Dr. P says has recently shown really good results in poor responders. Now let's just hope everything else goes well and that the follicles are filled with good eggs, that make good embryos, that make BABIES. It would really suck to feel so positive this time to have it all go to crap.

We are going to retrieve on Thursday. My husband has switched his travel plans and it taking an earlier flight into Vadodora, where the hotel car will be waiting for him. We nixed the train idea. That should shave a few hours off his time, so maybe he will make it before I go under. I hope so.

My husband wanted me to ask the doctor if we could do the retrieval in the afternoon, but she said she doesn't want to take the chance and compromise everything. I knew that would be the case. If we don't time things exactly right, then we could miss our window, especially with my larger follicles.

So Thursday it is. Right now my husband should arrive around 8:30AM and I am scheduled for retrieval at 9:30am. With any luck he will be there to hold my hand before I have to go under. Hoping that Dr. P is able to retrieve many and that they are good.

While we are waiting, here are some pics of a small local temple nearby.

Arrived and all is well

I realized last night that I hadn't posted an update. Getting to Anand is not a quick journey and I usually am a bit "off" for a few days when I get here. The travel was smooth but long. Here's an approximate timeline

Thursday 
4:45pm - board plane
6:30pm - plane takes off (45 min delay).
fly 8 hours. Different time zone.

Friday:
8:30am -  Amsterstam time land.
9:00am - unnecessarily rush to see where my next gate is. It's 2 gates back. Go through security. Realize after standing in line I can go through Sky Miles line. Switch lines. Go through security. Board around 9:45am.
10:20am - flight takes off for Mumbai (7 1/2 hour flight, time zone changes again).
10:30PM - land in Mumbai.
11:30pm - through customs and see nephew waiting outside to pick me up.

Saturday
12:30am - arrive at BIL/SIL/nephew's flat. Eat, talk for a bit and try to get a few hours sleep
4:45am - get up and get ready to go to train station. Nephew is riding with me to Anand
6:30am - train leaves
11:50am - train arrives in Anand
12:30pm - check into hotel, eat lunch, see off nephew (he is riding train back to Mumbai)
4:00pm - pass out (I didn't sleep on train for fear I would miss our stop.)
8:00pm - wake up. Eat dinner. Contact everyone I need to contact. Watch a movie, read, pass out again.

Sunday 
Still adjusting and don't get a blog post out (but I think of some interesting ones to post!) Go exploring in hood (ie, walk to clinic and a restaurant..) Still adjusting to time change.

Monday morning: now. Off to see the doctor. This will probably be an all day affair as not only do I have to do blood work and exam, she's been out of town, and she has to squeeze me in to aspirate my cyst. Meaning I have to have general anesthesia. I'll be too wonky to post then. And if I do post, there is NO telling what I may say. :-)


Here is a pic of a warm-and-fuzzy I brought along for the trip. I'm pretty sure he ate all my ice cream.

Leavin... On a jet plane

Yea yea yea, I'm very non-original today.

On my plane to India. I hear there are potential floods.

Women in front of me across several rows are going on about one of them who adopted a baby from Russia. I'm not sure how the conversation even started since no one seems to know each other, there aren't any babies, and the women aren't sitting next to each other. I think someone else recently internationally adopted or is about to. That's my guess. I wonder if I would ever feel comfortable about taking to total strangers about my ordeal. Well, EXCEPT YOU GUYS! But that's totally different. :-)

Feeling better today, but sad I will be without my husband for a few weeks. It's just setting in. I really hate being without him. Especially during sleepy time.

Plane is hot. They said one of the vents are having issues, but it will be resolved once we take off. Someone near me is a smoker and it's making me a little nauseous. In a non-drama queen way.

Prepare for take off.

Simple Cyst

When I woke up this morning, I wondered if I should just stay in bed. Was trying to get 8 CONTINUOUS hours of sleep, which is nearly impossible in my house due to the fact that I stay up too late and my husband gets up early. A bad dream woke me up after 6 1/2 hours. I tried to go back to sleep until my husband's 7am alarm, but I never really did.

I should have just stayed in bed the rest of the day. Already I felt weepy.

At 9:20 am I had a followup appointment at my OB/GYN's office (Dr. I) to check for cysts. I didn't even have to ask this time, the big black space on the monitor told me everything. Then I met with the doctor, where he informed me that I have a minor "simple cyst" and not to worry. Except I do worry. And then I asked the size... 5 x 4.1 cm. Look, I may not be a doctor, but that's not small. I think the one that threw off my cycle last time was smaller than that and that we had to aspirate before proceeding.

I reminded Dr. I that I was starting IVF in September and that a cyst was a problem last time. He said we could check in a few weeks, that it would probably burst on it's own. Without losing my shit, I explained I would be on a plane next Thursday. He still seemed mighty casual about it all and said that if we wanted to PUSH to remove it, then I would have to undergo GENERAL anesthesia. Still keeping my cool (I'm not sure how), I informed him that I had to have general anesthesia in India to have it aspirated anyway and that I would much prefer doing it here, then letting it mess up my cycle. He was nice about it and all, but hellz balls I'm frustrated.

Initially I thought I would ask my doctor in India (Dr. P) what to do (which I did), but I also wanted to go ahead and schedule my appointment here. In India they immediately gave me anesthesia and aspirated, in the USA you have to have appointments way ahead of time. After returning home, it occurred to me that he had really been saying laparoscopy removal when he was talking about general anesthesia. I have NO IDEA why he didn't just suggest aspirating it as that is what I told him we had to do last time.

Months ago I had asked my Indian Dr if I should get a laparoscopy to check for endometriosis or just get some sonograms to check for cysts. She only wanted me to do the sonogram and distinctly said no to the laparoscopy. When I called Dr. I to schedule it (had to calm my mind down and go home first), I asked to have it aspirated. If Dr. P wants me to wait till I get there, then I can always cancel. I don't even know if it will be covered on insurance here.

When I come back from India, I will be having a laparoscopy to test for endometriosis. After today, I may want to try to find a different OB/GYN. I miss my old one (had him since I was 15!) and his small practice ways. There is something to be said about a doctor and his staff knowing you every time you walk through the door and remembering everything you tell them.

Waiting for the flood gates to open. If I cry now, then I may be ok when I see hubby later.

I guess the myo-inositol didn't work. 

What makes the elephant charge his tusk in the misty mist, or the dusky dusk

Dorothy meets the Cowardly Lion, from the first edition

From The Wizard of Oz,  by the Cowardly Lion
Courage! What makes a king out of a slave? Courage! What makes the flag on the mast to wave? Courage! What makes the elephant charge his tusk in the misty mist, or the dusky dusk? What makes the muskrat guard his musk? Courage! What makes the sphinx the seventh wonder? Courage! What makes the dawn come up like thunder? Courage! What makes the Hottentot so hot? What puts the "ape" in apricot? What have they got that I ain't got?

When I went to India in June for my first IVF treatment, a few people remarked how brave I was. Truthfully, it didn't feel brave. At all. Not even a tiny bit. I have been to India twice before and besides family living there and being able to check things out for us, my husband (who is Indian) traveled with me. He's fluent in Hindi, the national language, and knows several other languages. He can tell by listening to someone where they are from in India and of course is familiar with many customs. When I see others take this journey to India, I feel far less brave than them. Even if the illusion from those here at home is something different.

What I realized last trip, is that I used my husband as a crutch - as did many of the locals. Most people preferred speaking to him in Hindi and it seemed an effort (and slightly rude) to constantly interrupt them with "hey there! English please!" (Note: this was never a problem with our doctor, who always spoke in English and spoke equally to both of us.) I'm sure part of it also had to do with the patriarchal society over there that some are more comfortable with (and no that is not a ding against India as we certainly have our fair share of it here in the US).

The funny part is that I have back-packed through Europe with my 9 year old son before - with only a multi-lingual phrase book, rail pass, basic necessities, and a loose plan that wasn't adhered to. I've been to countries all of the world and navigated myself without too much hullaballoo. I'm more inclined to seek different and daring adventures when on my own, then when not. Let's just say that "impulsive" is a much better adjective to describe me than "overly cautious". Incidentally, this makes my husband a great balance for me when I might otherwise do something truly stupid.

Oddly enough, my husband tends to see the more reserved me when we travel. Especially in India where I'm more reserved around him and family lest I make some huge social gaffe that could reflect upon him or make my in-laws question my good sense. Of which, I tend to have very little of at times. His family are relentless teasers, something which I don't wish to arm them with more fodder and something I really didn't have a lot of growing up. (My step-dad is a relentless teaser as well, so I am getting used to it.) What this amounts to is a less daring attitude when I am with my husband abroad. This actually can be a good thing such as the following conversation will allude:

Me: "Oh look! MONKEY!!!!!" (start fiddling in my purse so I can get either piece of fruit to feed it or my camera)
(Large monkey looks at me for a second from 10-12 feet away.)
Hubby: "Walk away NOW"
Me (whining and walking away): "But it's a MONKEY. I hardly ever see monkeys. And never this close." (wistfully look at monkey while still digging in purse.)
Hubby (trying to get me to hustle): "If monkeys make eye contact, they sometimes attack. Many carry rabies. You can't randomly go up to wild things - especially in India."
Me (pouting): "But I like monkeys..."
Hubby: "Yes, I know. Come on."
(Monkey ducks down alleyway with several of his friends.)

The point of this post? My cycle in September means I will be traveling to India alone. My husband will meet me there after 2 weeks, but before that I am on my own. Well, except for the part of family meeting me at the airport to drive me some portion of my trip. For some reason, hubby and family were freaking out about that and I acquiesced. They wanted someone to stay with me the entire time, but I told my husband "no". I love my Indian family, but it would be far more stressful for me to have one of them there at all times than to just be by myself. Being super hormonal and trying to impress in-laws is just too much pressure. I'd rather fumble around and deal with the frustration of being alone in a foreign land. I'm introverted anyway and that is my comfort zone.

Am I scared? No and Yes. My impulsive behavior tends to make me forget about being scared until I am in the moment, or until I deeply think about it: "ummmmm, maybe this wasn't such a great idea.Opps. Too late now." Especially about things like traveling, or jumping off bridges into who-knows-how-deep water, or walking my dogs at 2am because I figure we all need the exercise. More so what scares me is when other people have fears - then it can bleed into my veins. (That and interviews - those things terrify me!)

However, using a crutch over the last few years has made me more into a cowardly lion. Maybe part of it is having someone else speak the problems that I don't consider. Maybe part of it is knowing my impulsive behavior can get me into trouble. Maybe part of it is that I haven't done things alone in the last four years. Somehow I think it is all of this, and much more.

This time, I will be embarking on a real adventure in India. The idea of it makes me feel braver, something which I really need of late. I have great admiration for all of the bloggers who have gone this route alone, and without incessantly whining, they embrace a totally different culture with only a nod or a joke to frustrations they encounter. Hopefully, I will muster the courage and grace that I have seen radiate many before me.

As Dorothy once hinted at to The Cowardly Lion, "You were courageous all along. You just didn't know it." Let us hope so. 

PIO Card approved!

Wait till they get a load of me now!

Indian transformation 70% complete

Well I've done it. After worrying about the limitations of my 10 year visa while in India, I decided to go a different route and looked into obtaining OCI (Overseas Citizenship of India) or PIO (Person of Indian Origin) status. Oddly enough, I only qualify for the "Person of Indian Origin" status as the OCI does not make allowances for spouses.

The differences are not that much. PIO is only for 15 years while OCI is granted for a lifetime. The PIO also costs more ($365 vs $275) and overall has little less rights (such as I have to register if I plan on staying more than 180 days), but way more leeway than a normal visa. I can pretty much go and come as I please - that is the main reason I applied even with 6+ years left on my visa.  There is also talk of merging the two types and I'd rather pay more now than possibly lose out if they don't want to include spouses in the future. I could get lucky and shifted into lifetime status! (A girl can hope.) 

Gathering the paperwork and filling out the forms was pretty tedious. You need to make sure all your "t's" are crossed and "i's" are dotted. After gathering all of your paperwork, you need to make sure you have copies made of the right things (such as your drivers license or husband's documents), and that everything is in the right order. After quadruple checking everything, I was finally satisfied enough yesterday to hand it over to FedEx guy, even while giving him a slight Big Eye. I get edgy whenever my passport leaves my possession.

Hopefully by this time next month I will be able to tell people I am  officially a "Person of Indian Origin". As a blonde hair, blue eyed, fair-skinned girl, I can't wait to see the confusion among my friends here in the states. Even more so when I have to present it at travel points in India! I can hear it now, "wait... what?" Better bring along my visa just in case...

Front page, bottom fold

Picture from article

Reading "The Times of India" (inclusive of "Ahmedabad Times" version) I was immediately struck by the article on the front page, bottom fold: Womb rental incubated her business - Surrogate Mother Invest Earnings.


--by: Bharat Yagnik


Ahmedabad: Madhu Solanki is a 34-year-old successful businesswoman running one of the largest grocery stores in her village, Waghpur near Anand. Madhu got the seed investment for her business from her womb, literally!

In 2006, Madhu had given her womb on rent. She had opted to become a surrogate mother for a childless couple from Bangalore to get out financial crisis - she along with her husband struggled to run the family on a meager income of Rs 4,000 per month. She got 2.25 lakh for renting out her womb. Madhu could save Rs 80,000 after building a small house.

Instead of depositing the money in a bank, Madhu decided to start a business. "There are three-odd grocery stores in my village. Being a woman I knew precisely what ingredients women need for their daily routine. The learning curve was difficult but I got the hang of the business in a few years," says Madhu, who owns the Anand Grocery Store. The store's daily collections now stand at Rs 10,000. Given her huge success, she has been appointed as a trainer to make entrepreneurs out of eight other surrogates who have earned decent money and are keen to invest it wisely so that they become financially independent.

"Madhu has trained eight surrogates who are in the throes of beginning their own grocery business. We want more women to stand on their feet," said surrogacy specialist Dr Naina Patel.

Madhu is a mother of two sons - one 10 years old and the second was born after she bore a child through surrogacy. Madhu and her husband are keen to give good education to their sons. "Becoming a surrogate changed my life. But the key is not to spend the money but use it to become financially independent for life," says Madhu.

First day jitters

Our nice A/C waiting room is for IVF peeps only. We waited only a short time (by universal doctor standards) to have our initial consult and then blood drawn. After which, we grabbed some lunch at The Rama Hotel's Thalis restaurant. Both my husband and myself enjoyed it very much, although it was on the sweeter side of his preference - typical of Gujarati cuisine according to him.

After lunch, we came back to the clinic as directed. After another short wait we were able to see Dr. Patel. She was concerned about a high estradiol level and we went over the dreaded "you're 40 speech". I appreciate the honesty, but that is one "tut-tut" I've grown weary of, regardless the source. We followed up with a scan that gave us more bad news: only 3 follicles and a 2cm cyst. The cyst would have to be aspirated to insure the highest chance of success. Come back at 5:30pm. Eat or drink nothing.

"Ok!!!! Wait what?" We had 3 hours to burn in the heat of Anand (currently at 104 F) and I was instructed not to drink. Fine. We took a rickshaw/tuk-tuk (my first ever!) to the famed Big Bazaar (BB) where even the girls in Bedazzled burkas stared at me. The BB here is like a really tiny Walmart with food items. Even though the drinks were in a refrigerated area, the want to drink was too much and I walked back over to the skin lotion aisle. The Nivea whitening lotion I bought is a testiment on how well marketing works (I've seen the commercial 30+ times now, and it has convinced I'm covered in spots from skin damage, even though I'm not positive that's what the Hindi spoken commercial says.)

After BB, we return to the hotel for an hour, and then back to the clinic. At the clinic, in a not so A/C area, I'm handed a consent form to sign. I ask what it is for and I understand it is for the anesthesia; it's at this point I realize I will be getting GENERAL anesthesia and not local. Ask my husband to confirm this and he does. Crap. I'm not known for doing well under general anesthesia. I prepare myself (and others) for the liklihood of puking.

Fortunately, I did not puke when they woke me up, but my husband was asking me what the class of antibiotics was that I have a problem with. Once we figured that all out, an older lady in a white sari added a yellow liquid filled syringe to my empty IV. They let me rest till I was good and ready to come back downstairs.

Dr. Patel informed us that once the cyst was aspirated, she could see 14 follicles. Yay!!! I had to confer with my husband that I understood correctly. Not because any language barrier, but because I still felt a little loopy. He said yes and I was jubilant, if not completely dexterous.

That pretty much was the end of our first day. We went back to the hotel for me to rest, which really turned into me going to bed for the night. My poor husband missed dinner for the second night in a row.

Off to see the wizard

In the waiting room

One can safely say the traveling to a different country, even one you have been to before, is a bit like Oz. Sometimes it's stormy and things are quite different. India is no exception. It's been a few days, but I think it will be a few more before I'm not dizzy from the tornado anymore.

This morning I was able to awake early, mostly because I played catchup with sleep yesterday and last night. I woke around 5am and my husband woke just around 6am. Even so, we relaxed as we got ready - until the luke warm shower startled me awake.

Our room at La Casa is very nice and even though it's a little farther from the clinic and though most westerners are at the closer Rama, I am glad we chose it. My husband thinks they may have upgraded us.

The tiny rocks in my sandals are an attest to us getting a little lost, but now we are sitting in our air conditioned room (separate from the regular clients) with 4 other ppl: an Indian couple and an Indian woman with her mother. I'm fairly certain this is the IVF room and tell my husband as much. I overhear the word "cycle" mixed with Hindi and I feel confident in my guess.

Now we wait. There is an autographed picture of Oprah watching over us (Dr. Patel was on her show) next to the god Ganesh. Between the two, I'm hoping at least one will shine favor upon us.

Off to a bad start

Today we fly to India. This is what has happened so far (posting from phone):

-They inform us at the airport that they can't print our boarding tickets for the Paris-Mumbai leg of our flight. They don't know WHY, they just can't and they are SURE it's not because they may not have our seats available.
-On that note, they are fairly certain we WON'T be able to sit together. We sometimes have a problem with this domestically becz my hubby is not a citizen, but we have never run into it internationally. Oh yea, and I have problems flying and have to keep my feet elevated. I'm sure whomever is sitting next to me won't mind my feet in their lap.
-The TSA guy is yelling at everyone, including my husband. This never bodes well as he does not cow tow to TSA ever.
-We opt out if scanner (as always) and go through the biggest pat down I have ever received. I've recently been opting out becz of our fertility issues.
-The girl behind us (between 8-10) decides to kick and bump our chairs the entire flight. I say something politely to her mom and to her several times, but it does no good. The last hour I turn around and almost in tears (have not slept) and tell the mom/guardian to please make sure it stops as it has been going on all flight. She looks at the little girl, says "ok" like it's a big hassle and rolls her eyes.
-We land and my husband realizes that TSA did not return his laptop.
-We go through Paris security and I realize they did not return mine.
-Air France gets us seats together.
-TSA or ATL airport can't be reached since it is middle of night in USA and TSA is ONLY for USA.
-I realize that I may have been using regular cell phone instead if google phone. Expect big charges.
-I call brother who works at airport. Don't realize that he has to get up in 5 hours to go to work. Feel like an idiot. They are looking into it for us.
-No sleep. Extra emotional from BCPs, but I've somehow managed to hold it together so far. I predict I'll cry before this (new) day is over.

5 minutes later:
And I just walked in to the men's restroom...

What to pack...

Everyone is asking if I am packed for my trip to India, so I guess I should go start.

I hate packing for big trips. You don't want to over pack, but you certainly don't want to under-pack. Way over-packed for my last trip, thus I will probably under-pack for this one...

Blerg.

Better get to it. Any advice? I've been to India before, but my brain always stalls when packing.

UPDATE on 06/04/12: 

I'm updating this list in case anyone in the future needs something to check against.

I think I'm good on clothes. I've packed a few short-sleeve salwar-kameez, couple of light-weight saris (seeing family in Mumbai first), some jeans, various shirts, and the rest long skirts. Also packed the standard toiletries and makeup bag. Oh yea, and undergarments - of course.

Still deciding on which shoes... I've been on a hunt [obsession] for good travel shoes for awhile.

Here is hubby's non-apparel list to me:

Documentation

Books to read - paper and electronic

Breakfast bars

Toilet paper (the Indian ones may be too rough for you) (I love that he knows this!)

Wet wipes

Hand sanitizers (if we are out)

Shampoo

Conditioner

Soap (for bathing and cleaning our clothes; we can use the same soap)

Tylenol

Advil

Band aid

Here is the additional things I came up with:

birth control pills

compression socks

PC

easy snacks to eat when taking BCPs

ampoules for feet

anti-bacterial wipes

small flashlight

hat

earplugs

umbrella

Gatorade/hydration power packets (thanks SKhan!!!) 

extension cord?

dry fruits/nuts

microwave popcorn

notebook (to record journey AND to keep copy of receipts/expenses) 

dvds

Visine

camera

money - dollars and Rupees

hair brush (it weird how often I forget this) 

Playing catch up and one week to go!

Historical clock in downtown Prague

Sorry for my absence. I've actually been keeping up with most things going on (thank you Flipboard on iPhone), but my data is limited on my iPhone for international travel. So much going on in the IVF-surro-blogosphere!  Very exciting stuff! I've been reading every few days, but posting comments and writing posts from my phone was not as easy as one expects. Next time I will have it down better.

Husband had an additional surprise for me earlier this month and took me on a world-wind trip. Apparently he had been planning this one for a long time as well. He told me that this is it for our vacation plans for a long time now. He originally planned and paid for this before we knew the costs of IVF/Surrogacy and before I lost my job. Oh and before we got a big fat unexpected tax bill yesterday. But never mind all that - we had a wonderful time in Venice and Prague. I really have the best husband imaginable. I'm fairly certain I took close to 800 pictures. Both cities are beautiful and incredibly romantic.

Now I have a week to get ready for our IVF treatment in India. I'm nervous to say in the least. I had to start talking BCPs again (need to be in sync for treatment start and surrogate) and that has been a bit of a pain. Often I am sensitive to medications and I am remembering why I stopped taking oral contraception many, many years ago. (Had nothing to do with wanting to get pregnant!)

The last 4 or 5 days I have felt bloated and nauseated. I ache easily and I'm testier than normal. If this is what a little BCP does to me, than what can I expect from the IVF medications? Since I actually had to start my birth control a week late and will have to continue the active pills for an additional week, I can only imagine the battle my body is going through. Bleck.

India. One week. I'm nervous like I have never been before. I've been to India before and never felt as nervous as I do now. So many things racing through my brain. More later.

Notifying siblings

At the beginning of April I sent the below letter to my siblings (and copied my mom, but I had already talked to her about it). Mom immediately responded and made me feel less nervous about the entire situation. Siblings were super supportive and that was a great relief. We had already let hubby's family know as they were checking out stuff for us in India. We are incredibly fortunate to both have such great support from both sides.

Anyhow, here is the letter in case any of you were like me, and were wondering "how the heck do I word this???" I've replaced names with <relationships> as I'm not sure if I want to lose my anonymity. :-)  Also, I wanted to wait to notify other family members until after our trip in June when we have a better picture of where we stand.

--------------------------------

Sigh, I think with most people that this would be more appropriate in a phone call, but for non-trivial things, I'm really awful with the phone. I sometimes have trouble with auditory processing, most notably on the phone, and the more serious the discussion the worse it becomes. I'm very self conscience about it and with the exception of a small handful of people who I regularly speak to on the phone, it's tremendously hard for me. So if you are wondering why this is in an email - that is it in a nutshell. Feel free to call me with any questions, I just don't know how to start the convo about this on the phone and I get panicky when I think about calling people it. (I'm much better with it once the ice is broken.) Hopefully you will forgive me for this lapse in etiquette. 

<Hubby> and I have always known that we wanted to have a child or two after our marriage. We knew from the start that this would be a challenge as many years ago I had a surgery to remove my uterine lining due to medical issues. I still produced eggs, but would not be able to carry a pregnancy. 

Last year we started our journey and looking into our options, when my doctor informed me that my uterine lining had begun to grow back (which explained why I was starting to have issues again.) This offered us new options and hope, only to be told that the lining was only back in some places, and with other damage the doctors still did not feel I could carry a pregnancy. When we questioned about new available procedures to possibly fix the problem, we were met with a new reality - the meaning of a woman's "biological clock." This doctors informed me that to try and temporary fix the problem would have a low success rate and the time that elapsed would mean that my "ovarian reserve" would have diminished. Essentially, we may miss our very narrow window of conceiving with my eggs. 

I won't go into the long explanation of "ovarian reserve", but suffice to say a woman's chances of having a baby starts a steep decline at age 35. By 43, most clinics will not even consider using your own eggs.  We have now gone through sufficient tests to know that my eggs aren't awful, but they aren't super awesome either. Still, the doctors think we have a decent chance, though we still have the issue of me not being able to carry a baby. 

Enter surrogacy. Again, we knew this would be the main option for us when we first started dating. What we did not know was how expensive it was going to be. Using IVF with my own eggs - surrogacy easy enters into the 6 figures. More if we have to use donor eggs. There is no guarantee of a baby and many couples have to go through several IVF cycles at 15-20K a pop. Add on all the other costs, and it is crazy overwhelming. 

Enter India. When researching surrogacy, which is horrifically expensive in the US, the idea of India came to me. I had looked at international options for medical tourism many years ago, and wondered if IVF and surrogacy was an option. Turns out it is a big option in India; the price is 1/3-1/2 (even with airfare, travel, time off from work).

The main thing that concerned me with this option was the possibility of exploitation. After endless hours of research, I am happy to report that I have a 100% confidence in my findings. In the US, a surrogate mother is paid 15-30K (more for twins). In India, while it is much less (6-12K), the money is LIFE CHANGING to the surrogate mother. It's is often more money that the woman (or her husband)  makes in 10 years time. With the money many women buy a house (around 2500), educate their children, or help their family start a business. I do not feel we could make such an incredible difference in another woman's life here in the US. 

That said, we wanted to be careful that the money would actually help the woman. Again, after many, many weeks of research, I have found several places that have international reputations. As one surrogate put it "carrying another woman's child and making 10 years salary is not exploiting, working 15 hour days, 6 days a week, crushing glass is." With <hubby> having family in India (often close to the places we were considering), we had the extra benefit of them being able to check everything out from over there. We are pleased that we have decided on a location that is known for tremendously helping the women. They not only insure that this is the decision of the surrogate, but also provide housing, health care, nutrition, 24 hour care, help towards the surrogate's children, education, and a trust fund to continue education to the surrogate even after giving birth. At present the clinic, besides being internationally known medically for IVF, has a waiting list of woman wanting to be surrogates for them. 

We have recently completed all of our tests here that need to be done to determine the best course. The doctors think we have a reasonable shot with my eggs, so we are going to try that. Hopefully we will have success. If we have to use donor eggs, that becomes much more complicated as to get USA citizenship (for the India option), the eggs have to be mine OR we have to wait for <hubby> to become a citizen. Thus we are trying with my eggs first. In June, we will be traveling to India for 3 weeks to try for our first IVF cycle. That cycle will really give us the best picture if my eggs are truly viable, or if we have to start at other options.

Obviously very few people know about this right now. I wanted to let immediate family know before trying to figure out how to tell others. I guess I'll work on figuring that out next. 

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THE END.