Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Yo - What's the Haps?

It's a tale as old as blogs. I've been MIA. I've even started posts offline, only to never finish them. (Ok, technically it was only one - BUT I've thought of a bunch of others.) I've lurked. Not on purpose mind you, but the feeder app on my iPhone doesn't do a great job of posting comments and so neither do I of late.

Ya, ya, ya - so what's the haps? Current status: GREAT. All scary tests have come back normal. YAY!!!!!

We are at 21 weeks and 4 days and everything is lookin' good so far.

Surro is having major stress with other family stuff, but she is holding up like a champ. She's a GD saint and all I can say is that I wish a plague on the horrible person causing her pain - except that plague would hurt other people I love, so I guess I really don't. But maybe I do because that person always hurts other people and she's sure to hurt the people I love again. Shew. Life sure is complicated.

We manged to live through our announcements. First we told family and any close friends that weren't already in the know. Ok - that's a lot, but the response was generally good. Oddly enough I didn't really get much response from my Dad's side of the family that lives here in the US (Dad died when I was 3), but got great response from the ones in Sweden. All of hubbinez's family was super-duper-uber excited. So was my mom's side of the family - but most of them already knew.

Next we made the dreaded FB post. That actually went WAAAAYYYYYYYY better than expected.

At first I posted this video:

Mostly because I love Min Pins and this cracked me up as a baby announcement. Apparently no one viewed it or "got it" but that was ok because seconds later...

.... hubbinez was so excited about making the announcement (he had been telling people all week) that he made me do a joint word post, where we hit the POST button at exactly the same time. Because we are corny like that. It went something like this:

"On Mother's day it is fitting that we make our announcement that we are expecting twins. This would not have been possible if it wasn't for another wonderful mother, my SIL <insert name here> . Unable to carry our biological children myself, and after unsuccessful tries elsewhere, she selflessly offered to be our gestational carrier. Words can not express our gratitude over this incredible gift."

Hubbinez was as giddy as a school boy.

I haven't told my work yet, but that's because there has been a snafu with converting me from contractor status to employee status. Technically I am now an employee, but everything isn't final in all the systems, so it makes me nervous. I'm going to feel like an arse when I have to tell them about taking time off - which incidentally the due date is 1 day off from my boss' new wife. I'm sure he's going to freak, but because of my last disaster with getting fired when I told them about starting a family, I want to at least be protected by law this time.

In other haps - I am doing a sleep study next week. I've always had problems with not feeling like I get enough sleep (even when I do!), so no time like the present (ie., pre-twin birth) to try and figure this stuff out. We are off to a good start. Initial blood work from PCP showed that I have a big vitamin D deficiency.

That's a big one with sleep and immune problems, which makes sense since I've been sick so many times in the last year I lost count. With Vitamin D the doctor is looking for any number above a 29. Mine was 18. :-/  Apparently all that sun block wasn't so great for me. Except the whole wrinkle thing. I'm ok with the past trade off, but had to find another option for the future. Yay for supplements! 2000 IUIs a day! At least the past year has prepped me for that.

Srsly, I have to be the only girl whose doctor tells her to go get some sun WITHOUT sun block. Ok, maybe not, but it's not something I have ever heard before. And so I went out in the sun the other day without sunblock on anything except my face for the recommended 15 minutes. Then I slathered on the sunblock. The glare from my legs are still intact!

That's it for tonight. I need to post right away, sans editing, lest it fall by the wayside. Holy crap - it's 11:30pm. Gotta go take a bath and go to bed. Night all!

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Making Announcements - Getting Personal

The time is getting close where we will start making our announcements to friends and family that aren't already in the know. I think...

We keep putting it off. At first we wanted to wait until after the first trimester when the risk of miscarriage was still quite high. Week 13 rounded the corner and we decided to wait until we saw the specialist. Once that occurred we were introduced to all the bad things that could happen and decided to wait until after the initial tests. Then we wanted to wait for more tests (ie, the amnio). We still haven't gotten the results from that yet, but we expect them and another ultrasound this week. If all goes well, we will start widening our circle of who we tell.

But when do we make the announcement to our big group of friends??? Is that something you do on facebook? That would seem weird, but it would be equally weird to deal with people who want to know WHY we didn't let them know, when they start (hopefully) seeing baby pictures. Perhaps even more so. My worrying mind can just imagine people thinking "didn't we just see her at so-and-so's drinking wine, flat belly and all?" (Ok "flat belly" may be an exaggeration, because after 3 IVF treatments in 1 year my belly is no longer flat, but I am working on it.)

Ahhhhhh and all the questions we will get from so many people. I don't mind them from our-close friends and family - heck most of them already know my SIL is our surrogate or at least know that we have been trying with surrogacy - but what about the regular friends? We have A LOT. The idea of people publicly posting awkward questions or privately emailing me in droves, and then imagining people gossiping behind my back, is quite horrifying. Even if they don't. Which they will, because it's human nature.

Plus - I really don't like people knowing my business unless it's on my terms. The idea explaining I had cryoablation surgery many years ago (and many other things) makes me cringe. Not explaining it means people will ask if we adopted, or worse, will think my husband cheated. (Not that there is something wrong with adoption,but it is a particularly hard discussion for me because of my own history with it. For the record, I think adoption can be wonderful.) From what I can tell, very few people know the ins-and-outs of IVF and even less know about surrogacy. I'm sure some people would even privately wonder "did she just not want to get pregnant?" as I see written over and over in comment sections of India surrogacy articles.

On the other hand, I think it's important to share my story; if not just to help others. Recently I had a male friend get married and I realized that they would want to have kids. The wife just turned 40 and I could tell that they didn't have the faintest idea what AMA was. Even a friend whose wife went through IUI a few years ago (took on the first try, but they had several miscarriages prior to that) seemed blissfully unaware of the difference between a woman getting pregnant at 38 and one getting pregnant at 41. They were talking about putting off the second child for another year or two. Of course both of these friends I gave the 5 minute run-down, but forcing your experience down someone else's throat is quite different than someone else reading your story because they want to. In fact, I distinctly remember being MAJORLY offended when various women told us that we better get it in gear if we wanted kids. (Ahhhhh - how naive we were back then!)

Oddly enough, I happily shared my story with the lady at the bank the other day who was genuinely interested. It started out simple enough when I was getting our house re-fi papers notarized and the bank lady asked if we were planning on having any children.  Not having told many others I was ready to burst with the news to SOMEONE that we have twins on the way. Still, I didn't want to startle the woman so I eased into it with the ole ego-boosting  "well I have I 21-year old" that always gives me the shock face I adore (wasn't always the case).

From there, the conversation naturally slipped into "we have twins on the way" which led to surrogacy, then our India adventure, and then explaining the entire IVF process. She was a young lady (26) and apologized for being nosy, but she was so sweet and thoughtful in her questions. She explained her aunt was in her late 30's and seemed sad that she may never have kids. She also explained that some women in her family were pressuring her to have more kids now, while she could, even though she wasn't ready. In the end, she told me I should be on Lifetime to help other women. (Her manager had been on Lifetime for something else - lol.) That conversation was so easy and the young lady made me feel great, but I know that isn't always the case in these situations.

The easy answer to addressing friends' questions would be to point them to this blog, but I really don't feel comfortable with that. At all. I've been brutally honest here and I don't need casual acquaintances knowing things of my past or people scouring through to see if they are mentioned. That's a can of worms that I really don't need on any level. I have very close friends that I have never mentioned here and at least one that I have spoken unfavorably about. This is a blog of my experience, the good and the bad, and rather than worry about what I write in the future or sanitizing things I have written in the past, I'd prefer to keep it that way.

So what do you think? How do I tell the masses? We are fortunate enough to have quite a large social circle, mostly because of my husband, but that certainly leads to uncomfortable situations about things such as this. What to do what to do? What would you do (or what did you do)? Any advice is surely appreciated.