Saturday, December 29, 2012

Off-Topic - Women and Rape

Yesterday, the woman in the Dehli rape case that has made world headlines, passed away from organ failure. Her death a direct result of the rape and beatings she received. World news organizations, twitter, and even facebook (normally lacking in world news excepting a small percentage) all have references. All of the information made me pause. And think. On so many levels.

Some of what I write here may be controversial - be forewarned.

One of the [several] reasons we chose to go back to Gujarat in September for our second cycle versus Delhi was a safety issue. Please note I have never seen a safety issue posted on any of the blogs who have undergone IVF in Delhi  Our concern was more from my husband's personal experience as an Indian. You see, even according to the lauded Times of India, Delhi is considered the rape capital of India. I've heard this reference made by many media outlets and people, on both sides of the ocean.

We even have family in Delhi  but my husband just did not have a good feeling about me staying there by myself. Even though I assured him that many, many western women have gone and I've never seen a problem. Plus from the blogs it seems like no one is really ever alone there and everyone looks out for one another. Perhaps he knew too well my proclivity to throw caution to the wind. When we considered it for a brief period - he made me promise that I would NEVER go out after dark. EVER.

In contrast, I never once had a safety concern in Anand. Ah well, at least not with regards to walking around. There were the occasional medical things that I raised an eyebrow on and spoke out about. Something I probably would not have encountered in the more modern town of Delhi. (My husband was surprised with a few things as well - city boy.) Should there been a serious emergency medical problem, the hospital facilities in Delhi would have been far superior. But walking to my favorite restaurant at 9pm? No problem.

But, this really isn't a ding about Dehli at all. And if you are considering it, it is not meant to scare you away from your decision. If I've given you a genuine fear then I suggest you talk to people that have done IVF in Delhi, because remember - I have not. This is my blog and thus I post my thoughts, feelings, and considerations - I am posting this because it is honestly one of the things we thought about when choosing. There were other things too, but the recent news reminded me and made it relevant to post. Plus, let's be real. There are places all over the US (including here in Atlanta) where my husband not want me walking around alone after dark.

But this post isn't really to compare Delhi with Anand or the US, although that's how it initially began in my mind. It's really to point out why comparisons about rape places really suck. Even when you mean well. Earlier I had a friend post the following on facebook:
I am feeling especially blessed tonight as I read reports of the woman who was raped in India and has subsequently died. Sometimes it is easy to forget how truly blessed we are to be born in the United States, and the privileges we are provided simply by being a citizen of this country.

Read that again and take it all in.

My husband pointed out that sometimes people write things because they don't know what else to say. Or it makes them feel better. I feel way more visceral towards that post. Not in an "India versus US" type of way - but more a "are you so stupid you don't know that horrible rape happens to women in the US every day???" way?

Somewhere in the back of my mind I realized that the poster didn't mean anything bad by it, so I closed my computer up for the day and sat saddened thinking about it for a long time afterwards. Today I made a public post:

Yesterday I saw some posts on facebook and twitter, commenting on the rape/death in Delhi and how great it is to be an American. 
Let us be clear:

Rape happens in the US all the time. 
With women.
With children.
With horrible beatings that bring death.
Human trafficking still exists here in the US, with Atlanta as the USA's #1 hub.
The number of rapes are reported in the US are staggering.
The number that are not reported are even more staggering.
The number of convictions are pathetic.

If we don't realize that these horrible, horrible things occur HERE, EVERYDAY, almost every minute of EVERYDAY, then THAT is part of the problem.

Yes, the irony of how I have flipped this post is not lost on me. I judged and then I was mad at someone else's judgement. Maybe things are not always so black and white. 

1 comment:

  1. A very interesting post - I guess nothing is ever clear cut x


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