Friday, June 1, 2012

this does not install confidence...

UPDATE ON STORY on 06/03/2012. See at bottom. 

My husband casually mentioned to me as he stepped out of the shower this morning, some news from his sister.  Apparently there was a some sort of mix-up at our clinic. At least I think it was our clinic...Not exactly sure. That's how these things sometimes go.

What was this oh-by-the-way casual mix-up? Apparently a couple went to India and the first try for a baby was unsuccessful. They went back a few months later and the second try was successful. They also found out the the first try was "whoops", successful after all. So they will be having 2 kids a couple of months apart, so sorry about the mess-up on the first. WAIT WHAT???

 "Was it IVF or surrogacy? Wait I don't think that's even possible with IVF. Couldn't even imagine what the meds might due to a growing fetus. How could they miss a pregnancy in the first one? Don't they do blood tests AND scans?" blahhhhhh blahhhhh blahhhhhh, my mouth continues on a rampage of questions/statements that I have no control over stopping. I could tell by my husbands expression that he just realized that his "interesting story" was horrifying to me. And not because of 2 babies (which is probably what he thought was pretty cool about it.)  I have to keep myself calm knowing that the story is being relayed through several people and I will be able to ask our doctor about it face-to-face in 10 days. I wouldn't be shocked if it wasn't our clinic. And by that I mean "I really hope it isn't our freaking clinic or I may loose it."

Sigh. In my determination to hunt down the facts (he told me his sister read it in a news story in India) I reach out to my ever faithful Google. Except apparently Google is a whore today because she is MIA on this news story. She does, however, give me snippets of more bad news: a surrogate mother dies in her 8 month. I am thankful that it was not my clinic, but it still saddens me greatly. Yes I know that women die in childbirth, and one of the big reasons I chose the place I chose was due to my concerns for the surrogate mother, but this is still upsetting. Her poor kids and family.

I am further upset because I read related articles and the follow up comment section (always a big mistake). It appears that this news story has inspired many to write about how surrogacy exploits the poor women of India. Suspiciously missing is the [objective] reporting that talks about good clinics. Or even how these same women are exploited every day of their lives in grueling working conditions when not acting as a surrogate. How being a surrogate gives a possibility of changing this for them. Or how it's not exploiting when western women act as surrogates. On and on.

I furiously start typing all of this in a comment section where the only previous comments are negative to surrogacy (including the authors). I click on a link and realize I have just erased 30 minutes of pondering and typing as the link does not open in a new page, but instead uses the same. It's just as well. People don't want to think about the bigger picture. It's much easier to criticize than to research or even think about the bigger issues with poverty. Never mind they don't mention that regulation would help get rid of the bad clinics and help insure surrogates would be in the best care. Never-mind that... oh just never mind. I'm exhausted. I'm tired of ignorance.

Dr. Nayna Patel sets up a fund (required for IPs to pay into) that helps educate surrogates with trade and language skills. They are allowed to access this during and post surrogacy. She helps the women set up bank accounts in their own name and guides them in a multitude of ways. She is thought of as a hero in her community because of all she does for her surrogates and their children. She helps women have a chance out of poverty. What are all the critics doing??? Besides typing their ignorance time and time again? Usually pontificating with little information.

Ok, so this has officially turned from story to rant. Sigh. 6 more days until I leave for India. I better get off the computer and get some things done.

UPDATE: Spoke with the sister today and it turns out there was no mistake. A couple used 2 different surrogates and both got pregnant with twins. Shew. I didn't even bother to ask if it was our clinic as no mistake was made. 


  1. Ignorance is the worst. I've had to deal with it in so many ways... people usually are afraid of what's foreign or different from them and their first instinct is to criticize instead of doing some research...

    It is mind boggling about the couple that was told the first pregnancy didn't take... I'm sure though that it does not happen everyday, mistakes are also made in the US, there is a couple that their embryos got switched and they found out at birth, one couple's took the other one didn't. So this woman carried another couple's baby for 9 months delaying her own journey to have a family. My point is, for one mistake made there are tons of stories that go the way they are supposed to. I wouldn't really worry about it. Specially since you are going to a great clinic.

    Can't wait for you to get to India and start your cycle!!! xo

    1. Thanks for your kind words. That does make me feel better. I think I'm just in stress overload at the moment.

  2. Surrogacy journeys heighten the senses of all related news stories particularly because we transfer so much trust to another person we don't even know. Good luck I am sure all will be fine.

    1. You are quite right. Thanks for your kind words.

  3. Did you find the other article about the "missed" pregnancy? This is awful to read about, but you're right. The sensational news media is looking for a gut-twisting story, not the "normal" stuff that comes thru most surrogacies. Stand strong, maintain a steady course direction, and pray. Drinking along with all that doesn't hurt either! Best wishes! I leave next weekend as well and will be watching for your updates!

    1. Nope I never found it. I'll ask my SIL when I am there later this week.
      I'll be watching for your updates as well!!!


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