Thursday, April 19, 2012

Porcupines seem fertile...

Today I had my first day of Acupuncture and it was AMAZ... oh wait, nothing special happened.

Actually I didn't expect anything to since my doctor recommended it for fertility and we won't really know how well it worked until... well... ever. There's just too many variables and there's no definitive way to tell what helped and what didn't with all of the new things I am doing. As you may guess, I'm a science gal. Yea, yea, yea, I've actually read the arguments of eastern treatments, and I'm not so bold to discount everything, but I'm kinda a "give me hard cold data I can analyze" type of girl.

That said, I have tremendous respect for our fertility specialist here (also a hard-core science gal) and she encouraged us to consider it. When I asked why she thought it would help, she mentioned something along the lines of blood flow to the ovaries, something something something - oh look shiny object. Ok -if it was good enough for my foster dog years ago - good enough for me! I'm already spending a gazillion dollars to have a baby, it seems silly to nit pick over $500 or so more. We aren't rich, but I'd hate to do the "what-if dance" down the road if things do not go successfully the first time.

Back to the story (as you can tell, I get side-tracked easily): me and some needles. The acupuncturist was really, really nice. She's the type of person that you feel comfortable telling things to: in the land of infertility, this is a relief. Telling people personal crap is not my fav thing in the world, but is definitely this year's theme. She even was really sweet about me being tremendously late - something I felt HORRIBLE about. Truth be told, I had been looking forward to my pricking for a couple of weeks. (That sounded really weird.)

Ms. Awesome stuck me with 6 needles that barely registered on the "something-just-stuck-me" scale. If you can imagine taking a tiny head pin and pricking yourself so light that you didn't even make an imprint, then that would be the equivalent. In some cases I didn't even feel a thing. This coming from a girl that HATES shots. They don't make me woozy - they just suck. The acupuncture needle doesn't even count as a shot in my book.

We talked for about an hour and then she dimmed the lights in our lavender, spa music room. I laid on a heated spa table/bed, under comfy covers, and she put 6 needles in me: 4 in the legs and 2 in the hands. Honestly had to ask how many were inserted because I had no idea. (Except for the hand ones - I could SEE those.)  She then proceeded to leave the room and let me rest.

Here's were it got a tiny bit weird, but keep in mind I have an AWESOME imagination.

I closed my eyes and started thinking about something that always irritates me (my former job) as the new-agey music washed over me. Was able to "catch" my negative thought pattern and tried to shake it off. Breathe in. Breathe out. (Holy cow my breathing sucks.) I think have gas. Nope that passed too. Not literally. Wow this music is great. I wonder if it is a CD. I should ask her if it's a CD. Would that be weird? I won't remember the name anyway. Maybe it would start a long conversation about spa music that would be hard to get out of. Maybe I could type it in my phone. Would she frown on my iPhone addiction? I wish I could shazam it. My phone is right over there. I NEED my phone. The needles would probably all fall out if I moved too much. I'll have to remember to bring my phone next to me next week. But I won't have pockets because I had to take off my pants. That would be awkward. I shouldn't have worn a thong. 

A few more random thoughts flew by and then I was in that half-sleep half-awake place. You know the one - where you are aware of your surroundings, but think really weird things. Ok - EVEN weirder things than normal. And then my stomach grew. Like there was a bubble slowly expanding. (NO, NOT GAS!) Like a baby was growing at some super-speed ala Fringe style. (Keep in mind - I can't actually CARRY a baby.) I could see it with my eyes closed. Then I thought, "wait, twins would be good" and the bubble split and started rising on both sides. Oddly enough, in real life that would be some weird camel looking thing, but hey - my imagination - I can do it how I want. Then I laughed and thought about making a blog post.

And THAT is how I came to the conclusion that doing this porcupine thing is a good idea. Results may vary.


  1. Hilarious! Bet the needles do their job!
    Lycka till!!!

    1. Tack tack!!!
      (P.S. I love any chance I get to use my extremely limited Swedish!!!! Yay!)


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