As I read the joys and sorrows of other couples' journey with surrogacy I begin to realize something: I'm scared. We've told some family and friends, and everyone is super supportive so far, but I wonder how big of an expectation we are setting ourselves up for regarding our trip to India. It's almost as if there is some unspoken word of "we go to India, we have baby". Logically speaking, the chances are better we WON'T.
After discussing IVF with my boss, I lost my job. While I really don't want to get into the details of that at the moment (too stressful), my hubby and I agreed that it is really important for me to keep my stress down. Looking for a new job with a pre-planned trip to India in June would be too difficult/stressful, not to mention starting a new job, so we decided that I needed to take a break and de-stress. Not to worry about a job until we get back (unless some small or low-stress contract one comes my way).
I think that's a good idea to help insure our success, but what happens if we don't succeed on our first trip? I'm not sure I've heard of anyone that did. My income is significant enough that it is a HUGE hit not to have it. We can't keep it up AND afford repeated tries at having a baby. And the more times we try, the more time that passes, and the less chance we have of success. Plus, my husband certainly doesn't need the stress of having everything on his shoulders. That lowers our chances too!
I'm scared.
Being scared is perfectly normal. Pursuing kids in this fashion makes being scared an almost prerequisite. But don't think for a moment it goes away once you get pregnant and actually have the child/children in your arms. It doesn't, it gets replaced by another kind of being scared, the type that comes with being a parent. Being scared keeps you on your toes, just don't let it knock you off your feet.
ReplyDeleteYou will find the strength you need in yourself, in your husband, in the little online surrogacy community you have joined by being brave enough to share your story. We got your back...
Mike A.
Thanks. Some days are more scary than others, but it's people like you that help tremendously. :-)
ReplyDeleteI agree with Mike, being scared is perfectly normal. I did my best not to think about the "process" of getting pregnant and convinced myself that it would take three attempts before a positive. Therefore, I wouldn't allow myself to get sad when we received a negative. As luck would have it, we got pregnant on our first attempt and our twins were delivered perfectly healthy at 38 weeks. They spent 24 hours in the hospital and our surrogate was an amazing woman. Even though our path was "relatively" easy, it is a stressful and emotionally draining experience. The scary part is not knowing how your journey will play out, but know that the end result will be worth it!
ReplyDeleteThat's a great idea, to kinda set expectations of more attempts. I try to do that internally, but it's hard once I realize that other people don't get it. I get caught up in their excitement. 3 attempts is a good number. Maybe I'll just keep that in mind internally.
DeleteI agree with Mike, being scared is normal! I convinced myself it would take three attempts before we would be successful. As luck would have it, we got pregnant on our first attempt and 38 weeks later two perfectly healthy little babes were born.
ReplyDeleteThe whole process is stressful and scary because you are forced to give up so much control, but its worth it because the end goal is amazing!