Saturday, April 21, 2012

I'm going to be how old? GAH!

Art by Ken Keirns.

It hit me yesterday. Wasn't fair. Truly I was minding my own business having a fun shopping day in my old hangout Little 5 Points (I can not BEGIN to tell you how cool we were hanging out there back in the day) when I had the sincere misfortune of catching a quick glimpse of my own reflection.

It wasn't pretty.

Apparently the boho look I was sporting (and do on occasion since my youth), does not actually look that good when surrounded by actual, modern, young bohemians (on 4/20 no less.) 

My initial reaction was "Holy crap - somebody get that girl some botox stat!" Oh wait, I'm fairly certain that botox would fall under the "what the hell were you thinking" category. Especially if I'm trying to limit stuff like caffeine, medicine, alcohol, and oh, I don't know, toxins that may cause botulism. Damn it. Ok fine. Just DON'T MAKE ANY EXPRESSIONS AGAIN EVER. And get more than 5 hours sleep. And DO SOMETHING with your hair for God's sake. 

Then another marvelous thought occurred to me: I'm turning 40 next week. Holy Christ in a Winnebago - when the hell did that happen? Can I protest or something? Occupy 30's anyone? My 30's have been some of my best years, but now that it dawns on me, the impeding 40's seem scary. 

I don't look 40; usually I gleefully tell people my age because of the confused looks I get. I don't feel 40; well maybe I do feel a tinsy-bit 40, but I've felt that way since I was 20. I definitely don't WANT to be 40. How is it I am already referring to myself as 40??? I have an entire 5 days left!

Most importantly, 40 is the age that egg stats really start to trail off (or at least that's how it is in my mind.) I've been able to deal with my new worry over the last few months about how my eggs will be - technically had not hit the big 4-0 mark - but now what? Crap, if I had known about this whole  older eggs thing, we would have started right away. But noooooo, I wanted to enjoy the whole "romantic, we've just been married" thing. They should give PSA's on this stuff: "girls, either freeze your eggs by 35 or screw a bunch of feminist things that take longer than 30 seconds to rant about. Fo realze". Then flash this chart the remaining 25 seconds.

If we don't succeed the first time, which statistically is expected, then our chances really decrease. Essentially I will need to put myself through as many IVF cycles as possible, in as short of period as possible. The stats for a 41 year old are downright "OMFG". Don't even get me started about 42. How will we even begin to afford this? If we can't use my eggs, then things get really complicated for us.

Is turning 40 going to be my new obsession? I'm not 30 anymore, and need to take better care of myself. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I think I'm 20 still and party like a rock star, but there are improvements I can make. I've started most of them with my "let's get this egg party started!" of late; hopefully they will become easier with habit. Hope so.

40. Ugh. It's going to be a long week. I wasn't even thinking about it until I saw my stupid, tired-looking reflection. Mental note 1: get plenty of sleep. Mental note 2: slap any one that says "age is just a number" on your birthday. 


  1. Not sure if this will make you feel better, or not, but my retrieval with Dr Shivani was 2 days before I turned 40 and we now have an 8 months old at home with us. Don't let the dirty 40 make you feel doomed! Your eggs are older and wiser!!!

    1. That makes me feel a tiny bit better. Thanks. :-)


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