Seems like every time I turn around lately, someone else I know is pregnant or having a baby. I know I should be happy for them, but a tiny part of me gets a little "fu cloud" over my head each time. That's terrible, I know, but I just can't help myself.
I blame one of my old friends. As soon as she became pregnant, every freaking word out of her mouth was about her pregnancy. Every. Word. One of our mutual friends finally told her "ok - we get it: you are pregnant. You're not the first woman to be pregnant and won't be the last." And truth be told, it hurt my feelings because she knew that my husband and I were going to have a rough time having a baby. Hell, she didn't even notice when I was going through some other really emotional stuff. Felt like saying "Please don't make every freaking conversation about you."
But I should not make this about me either. I shouldn't feel my little "fu cloud" whenever friends announce the happy news. Or post pictures. Or talk about what's going on. Or - heaven help me - ask when WE are going to have one. I shouldn't tense up when they gush about "not even trying" and how easy it is. A real friend would be ecstatically happy for them and show it at all times. A real friend wouldn't have a "fu cloud" ready to pop-out, rain or shine.
My life is pretty freaking great and from things I hear from others, envied by many. Don't get me wrong, it certainly hasn't always been a dream - I've had my fair share of nightmares -but the last few years have been better than I ever imagined my life could be. I need to concentrate on all of the good, and feel happiness for my friends.
Oddly enough, I have one friend that is pregos and I feel nothing but joy for her. Perhaps because she is such an awesome person in every way. I could throw a baby shower for her and not even see a hint of my cloud. Maybe if I just picture her face every time, I can get through this gracefully. She really is awesome and I am extremely excited for her. She can talk about her pregnancy and it doesn't bother me, but she is much more likely to talk about other things and has kept her depth. Like I said - super awesome girl.
Maybe if I picture her face each time I hear baby news it will make all of this easier. Maybe then I can handle all the questions from a multitude of people like "aren't you guys going to have any?" without wanting to slap someone. Maybe then my little "fu cloud" will be confined to those that truly deserve it.