Sunday, April 8, 2012

Getting through stress and old problems

I've had a problem with stress for many months now. My last job had me in a terrible situation that started off being stressful because of a fellow employee causing me A LOT of problems. I notified my boss, but nothing came of it and I just tried to work through it.  It got better and then it got bad again. Finally I had to notify the same boss (who also was our only HR person) of serious stress coming from workplace and that my husband and I were starting IVF (she had been through it before and I needed to get our benefit information). This was  followed by my sub-sequential firing.

Ironically, they kept me long enough to COVER for two male employees that were out on paternity leave on overlapping periods. The same week the second one returned, the person that I had been having problems with incidentally, they let me go. Like a punch in the stomach, they tried to claim it was for performance reasons, even though they had never given me any notice of a problem. In fact the week prior, our most difficult client had emailed me with praises, and copied my boss, along with several other employees, on it. I got accolades from clients on a regular basis.

Needless to say I've been stressed. Like "how are we going to afford IVF and surrogacy" stress.  Like knowing we have a very narrow window to use my eggs stress. Like obsessive thoughts of the injustice stress. Like crying, self-doubt, not being able to sleep stress. All which, of course, is the WORST thing for IVF and eggs.

But as much as this seems like a pity-party post, it's not.

Last night was the first time that I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about my last job and I was able to calm myself down enough and go back to sleep. Normally I sit in bed until I can't, then get up and find something to try and distract my thoughts with. Being able to return to sleep is pretty significant.  If I'm able to control how it affects me, I will think of it less and less. I will be able to be more productive and regain my confidence. I will be able to study effectively and do all things that I normally don't get around to doing because I don't have time (ie, work). I won't be scared to sleep, or want to sleep all day because I'm so tired from the previous night. I will have AWESOME EGGS for our trip to India in June.

I start acupuncture soon and I've started yoga recently. When I see myself about to go into a stress cycle, I try to apply mindfulness techniques (this becomes easier with practice). I'm going to start practicing breathing techniques and hope that my deviated septum won't hinder it too much. I'm looking at job options that offer more than a paycheck. I'm SLOWLY, getting back to normal.

Our original plan was not surrogacy in India, but I believe that in the end, our success will come from there. It just seems fitting.


  1. Have you thought about hiring an attorney? They could pull your performance evaluations and go from there on either getting your job back, or getting you lost wages resulting from a wrongful termination (more appealing). Just a thought. Hopefully you're at least getting unemployment during your transition period. Best wishes!

    1. Honestly, I've thought about it and then realized that it could easily have a large affect on our trip to India in June. Not worth it. I have 6 months to lodge an EEOC complaint. Maybe I will contact an attorney and ask her about filing something after June. The most important part is to just get over the stress of it all. I've let it have too much of an impact on me.

      With regards to performance evals: they have none. In the 2 years I worked there they never gave me one. Which given the pay level I am at - is shocking.

      I had to fight for the unemployment - but fortunately it went in my favor.

  2. That is just soooo unfair that they can fire someone because they are seeking IF treatments!!! WTH?

    1. Ohhhh, it's actually MUCH worse than what I posted here. I was just too distraught to post it all at the time. At one point when I was trying to talk to the HR person (who is also an owner and my direct boss) about IVF treatment to see what our benefits were and she directly asked me if I had had a miscarriage.

      All of this from a woman who had gone through IVF. She knew exactly what a ride I was in for, and I was still naive on how the roller coaster would. Not to mention I would eventually (hopefully) need FMLA leave. So much more, but I try (sometimes unsuccessfully) not to dwell on it. It really tore me up for awhile.

  3. I am outraged on your behalf! That is so unfair, and disturbing in the fact that she has been through the process so should understand!!


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