If you are a regular reader of my blog, you know that Tuesday was a bad day for us. It was also a very busy day for me.
After getting our bad news of the failed chemical pregnancy, I had to get up and go to my dentist appt. My dental hygienist is also going through IVF and just had a failed cycle (though she has had success in the past.) We both gave brief updates of our failures and the all-knowing, strong grieving/supporting smile passed between us. It's weird that after only 2 cycles I feel like some sort of veteran.
After that appt, I call my vet. She was a few miles up the road from my dentist (but is far from my house) and I had discovered the wonders of tapeworm segments in my friend's puppy that we are babysitting. Fortunately my vet is also my friends vet, so she was able to RX a dewormer without me having to bring the puppy in to see her. As I was leaving, I noticed a Kroger next door and headed over to grab some food/coffee.
Tuesday Morning was also next door and it occurred to me that I should see if there was something there to pick up for my friend who had a baby that morning. Had told her that I would come the next day to visit her and the baby. I wandered in the store, but somehow couldn't bring myself to buy any baby items.
Next on the list, was a visit to the DOL. I have entered into my 1st tier EUC unemployment and there are new validation rules I have to follow. Unfortunately there was also a gap when I was informed of these new rules and thus a few weeks had passed without the new information being entered. Not only did I have to turn in a previous weeks validation, but I had to make sure that the other previous weeks validations weren't required. I will spare you that conversation. As with typical government offices, people are trying to process you as fast as possible and rarely listen to what you are actually saying. When the gentleman realized I wasn't going to budge, he slowed down enough to get the right information for me.
After finally getting through that eye-poker of an errand, I drove across town to pick-up my BFF's dresses she had on consignment at a wedding/formal dress boutique. They are expensive gowns and my one job if she went into labor was to make sure they were picked up. The store is awesome and we had visited when I was wedding dress shopping a few years earlier. I browsed while they found her dresses. Even wandered over to the wedding dress side and was promptly reminded that I must wear gloves to handle the dresses. They are all designer and some of them are quite exquisite. I was happy to see that I still did not see a dress that I liked more than the one I chose.
Another Tuesday Morning store was next door and I told myself that I needed to try again. In the store I found the most beautiful fake fur bear baby hat. It had bear ears and everything. I bought it not even knowing if I would give it to her or keep it. The only other things I have bought for our [possible] baby is the book The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle (English AND Hindi edition). Now that I think about it, I bought that book when I was shopping for her baby shower.
After that, the time was about 4:30pm and I know I need to get home to let the dogs out. They needed some reprieve from their crates - especially the puppy. I rushed home and let them romp about for about an hour. Meanwhile, I got ready to go to the seminar at our local infertility clinic that I had signed up for the week before. "Free AMH test" the newsletter announced. I really wasn't in the mood to be around a bunch of hopeful infertile couples, but so be it. Yes, I know how awful that sounds. I don't care - it's how I really felt and I just wanted the to take the test. When I left for the clinic I texted my husband where I was going and why.
The seminar was pretty good. I already knew most of the things they went over, but it was still cool to see the science parts. Most of it was a slide show that we watched in the dark. Non-interacting - yay. There was a super-peppy "success story" lady that spoke and for a moment I secretly imagined punching her. The moment passed. This was followed by a Q&A session with the clinic's newest doctor. (I'll post the questions I asked in a separate blog post, because I'd really like to get your opinions on the answers.)
The Q&A was followed by the blood test. My recent trips to India gave me some secret tricks to getting ahead in line and getting out of that office as soon as possible. The lady that took my blood was cheery and asked how my day was going. It was going crappy and I kinda told her as much. Pretty sure she wasn't ready for that and she gave me some pre-canned pep talk answer that didn't even apply to me. I just nodded. I didn't really want people to feel sorry for me, but I was DAMNED if I was going to sport a fake smile and act like my day was great.
Drove home in the dark. Still had not cried. Walked up the flight of stairs to the living room level of our house. My husband greeted me with kisses and a long hug. Then he held me and burst into tears. For a really long time.