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| http://nierica.com/prayer/ |
(This post is based on thoughts running through my head a few weeks ago.)
Confession time: last cycle I prayed, I visited a temple, and even fed some cows hoping for blessings. (Ok, maybe that last one was just an excuse so I could feed the cows; I can't help myself.) Heck, I even accepted blessings from a relative that involved us later getting stopped at airport security for trying to carry a coconut on an airplane. Have no idea if it violated the 3 oz liquid rule, if it was a fruit issue, or if they just didn't like the shape of it in my backpack under the x-ray (visions of Spy-vs-Spy dance in my head with little black bombs). I tried to ask my husband, but he wouldn't stop laughing in the security line long enough for me to get an answer (it was in my backpack of course).
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| http://multiplayerblog.mtv.com/2012/07/17/spy-vs-spy-single-player-review-ios/ |
All of this is a little profound for me since technically I am an agnostic/atheist. I knew going in that it was wrong to "ask for something" without being a believer, but the pragmatic part of me said "well if there is no such thing as God, then it hurts nothing to ask." Yes, I'm aware of the weird logic that this entails on my part. [As a side note, when I was religious in my younger years I almost never prayed asking for things.]
So I prayed.
Please God, if you just let us have this one pregnancy, I will believe.
And in typical fashion God answered: we had a chemical pregnancy.
I'm not sure how to respond here, but only feel I should. I don't like to get into debates, about pretty much anything, so please know that is not my intention.
ReplyDeleteI do want to say though, that I don't think it is wrong to pray and ask for something, even if you are a non-believer.
I do believe in God, and I pray constantly for a baby. With our first IVF that ended in a chemical pregnancy, I couldn't understand why He would allow that and questioned why didn't He think I would be fit to be a mother. And then I realized, maybe he did answer my prayers. I'd been praying for a healthy baby from day one. Most chemical pregnancies are a result of something not quite being right with the embryo and that is the bodies way of naturally rejecting it. While that really sucked and I definitely had my pity party about it, I thought maybe my prayer was answered after all. Just not in the way I wanted.
Of course, I don't know if that is the way it really works. All I know is I find it to be a lot more hopeful and comforting to believe, regardless of our outcome.
I've really enjoyed reading back through your blog. I'm almost caught up to present day now!!! As always, I am wishing the best for you.
Thanks. I didn't take your response as a debate at all. :-) When I wrote this post I was thinking about the bitter irony of it all. Religion has always been a tough one for me.
DeleteI've been slack lately about posting, but that's mostly because I've had so much going on that I just haven't had the time. Should get back to it shortly. Thanks for reading!