Here we are again - 2ww

Formula for moment of inertia
from: http://www.wikipremed.com/image.php?img=010105_68zzzz111100_12002_68.jpg&image_id=111100

I have about 100 things to write about, but right now I'm stuck with inertia over our pending results for our 2ww. My husband is out of town until Saturday night, and as much as I would like to say if the email comes tomorrow than we will wait to read it together, it's not gonna happen. If the email comes, I'll read it. This last week I've felt like a pressure cooker with every emotion beginning to boil up.

For some reason I thought it was coming on the 6th, but my husband thought it was the 7th or 8th. He remembered that the clinic is normally closed on Sundays, so if we don't get an email tomorrow then it will probably be Monday. In fact, if it isn't in by the morning, then we probably won't get it till Monday morning because of the 9 hour difference: surrogate tests should be done by my late morning time.

Truthfully, if it's bad news, it's probably best that my husband and I don't read it together. Like many men, he doesn't do well with tears and I know that this entire process is probably harder on him then it is me. At least mentally. Never-the-less, if it is bad news then I will surely cry and the last thing I need to add to his woes is my tears. Last time we went through a cycle it was super hard for him with every up and down and when we got the bad news, we could barely speak. I had prepared myself better for the bad news, but not enough that I could console him.

Last time I didn't even tell my siblings and close friends when we got the bad news. I just didn't want to talk about it. My husband called his family and I emailed my mom. She was pretty sad, so I stayed strong. A month or two later everyone else eventually came around and said "I guess it wasn't good news." By then I was already in  mode for my new cycle and had completely forgotten I didn't update anyone. This time we've told more people and gave promises of an update when we find out.

The update is hard enough, but it's the feedback that will really get me. I just don't want to have to have one-on-one conversations with each person on how they are sorry it didn't work out. Look at me. I'm already thinking the worse. I can't help it. Need to think positive thoughts. I left India on a super-positive note and I need to keep it going.

Sigh. Easier said than done. I have so many things I need to work on, but can't seem to do any of them. 2 ww. Bring it.