The other day I received a shocking offer. One that could solve a lot of problems for us. Maybe. If we are lucky - and that's what it usually boils down to in the end. In a Tim Burton kinda twisted way.
Someone close to us has offered to be a surrogate here in the States.
Interestingly enough, my husband and I had 2 different reactions. He was ecstatic and slowly realized that I... well... wasn't. Don't get me wrong - it will be FABULOUS if it works out, but just a mere offer doesn't turn into a done deal and I guess that's what has me a little nervous.
This person is very close and dear to us. I love her completely and I nearly cried when I read her email. BUT, I'm afraid to get my hopes up.
Today my Atlanta Clinic called and they had my AMH results back: .86. Not good. Not good at all. Not horrible (like in India), but definitely not good. It has dropped over half from January. So I'm fairly certain this will be our last try with my eggs. And that's IF ACRM will even take me now. I'm hoping that the fact I had 3 good embryos last month will help convince them.
The idea of using someone close to us make me nervous for so many reasons. What if we plan everything, go through IVF, and then she decides she can't do it? I would understand why, but that would kill me. What if she isn't approved medically? She smokes, how do I know she will be able to quit? That's a HUGE thing. (I'm guessing she quit 5 years ago when she was pregnant, but I didn't ask.) And how much time to we have to wait for all of these things to align?
Also, how will she feel giving the baby to us and seeing the baby all the time? One commenter on my carrier's perspective story made me feel better about that, but is that the norm? So many questions. We are meeting with her and her husband this weekend to discuss everything.
We also had a super close friend (2 actually) offer to be an egg donor for us. (Yes - we are surrounded by truly phenomenal people.) Not sure if those offers are genuine either, and more importantly, thought out. Am I being too pessimistic? Am I letting MY personality traits (agree to things before really thinking about them) bleed into how I think others would react? I don't know. I just know I can't take much more of the roller coaster. Sadly, it's a roller coaster no matter which way we choose. Isn't it?