Thursday, May 10, 2012

As promised, my little communication rant

Frustration: I haz it

Fair warning: I'm PMSing and frustrated. Anything remotely drama-queeny is not my fault. 

I am getting frustrated with the communication issue with our clinic. Have done enough research to know that our doctor is super-duper busy, but that begs the question: why doesn't she hire additional staff? A case manager would be fantastic. 

The doctor uses a yahoo email account, and from what my hubby says, yahoo doesn't give the thread of all back and forth emails. Essentially that means I am emailing the same information multiple times, even though I can see (with gmail) that the information is all there. 

Her: "Send me your results"
Me: "They are at the bottom of this thread."
Her: "Ok. Then please send me your results" 
Me: Sigh. "Ok. Here you go. Can you answer these 15 questions for me."
Her: "Yes, but only after a few days and only with one or two words answers."

2 weeks later...
Me: I have a couple of quick questions.
Her: "Ok. Send me your results."
Me:  "Ok. Let me go stab my eyes first." 

Is this going into a case file? Maybe she just doesn't have time to look at everyone's file when responding to the hundreds of email she gets (she personally responds to all emails herself). Again, this is where a case manager would be prime. Or Sharepoint. Or somethin. I hate to be the spoiled American, but jeez. 

Actually it wouldn't have even bothered me except some important information almost slipped through the cracks about when I am supposed to start BCP and our arrival date. At least it seems important. After a few unclear emails, where I literally wrote "just to clarify" on each one, it was discovered that we would need to take BCP for an extra day to be in sync for my arrival. I have no idea what the consequences would have been with me being off sync with the surrogate by 1 day or starting the IVF cycle a day later. Maybe nothing, but maybe something. 

When I don't get a exact details and clarity up front, I get super anxious. Like super-duper anxious. More than the average person. I have to keep important information in an easily accessible digital format (thank you Evernote) that I can access no matter where I am, as I sometimes have what I like to call "processing issues" (don't ask). This make me prone to be an "annoying patient" because I need uber clarity and a high level of granularity.  Had I started this "clarity" routine earlier in life, I would have saved myself tons of money and a big chunk of my sanity. Let's just call it "lessons learned". On the flip side, it make me wonder if hyperventilating is a good relief option when I don't get it. "Paper or plastic ma'am?"

I've had to reign these OCD eccentrics waaaaaaaay back based on my husband's advice, so as not to offend. Something about doctors getting offended when patients questions them or something; I don't remember because I didn't write it down. "Make sure you write things like this...." OMG A SHINY BUNNY! That's like a double rainbow!

My in-laws repeatedly tell me on the phone "take no tension!!!" I wish it were that easy. Things like this make me go bonkers. Bonkers is not good. I'm PMSing and the weight of everything that is going on is ringing the doorbell. I don't even have my pants on. Or coffee. I'm not even making sense now. 

At least her email didn't bounce back again today like it did yesterday. A month from now I will be in India again. Holy crap. 

UPDATE: Crisis averted. She has responded and now I feel much better. 


  1. I can only say, I'm so sorry to read how it works. We never EVER had this kind of issues with Surrogacy India. Of course you should not need to repeat your questions nor results. :(

    1. Yea, it's frustrating. I knew going in from others that communication with our doctor was not always the greatest in the period before your first treatment, but that still doesn't help.

      One day soon I'll write a post about why we chose the clinic we did. Not yet regretting it, but I have a low tolerance for this sort of thing. Mainly because I've dealt with USA doctors (non-fertility related) where you absolutely have to be an outspoken advocate for yourself.

  2. Hey, you should be an outspoken advocate for yourself no matter where you are! You are the expert on you, and you are entitled to know everything about what's going on - especially when you are headed toward a medical procedure. My first visit I was so overwhelmed that I only remembered like 2 out of the 50 questions I'd wanted to ask. So, I do suggest that if you still have problems with communication over the next month, take a list that you've written down on a piece of paper with you and then either record the conversation as you ask and get answers - or take notes with your husband during the visit. Hang in there!!!

    1. I actually have a pen that I use for most doctor visits/meetings/etc.. It's called an echo pen and it records what is being said in the room and records what you are writing in digital format. When you play it back later the video of what you are writing syncs with what is being said. It's super cool.

      I agree that you have to be your own advocate, but I also know from experience that sometimes you have to temper it with proper etiquette concerning cultural differences. I'm so used to steam-rolling things here, that I have to figure out how to tone it down a bit. :-)

  3. How frustrating! Vent all you want!! Get it all out!!! Hopefully once you start treatment everything will get better. I'm excited for you, I can't wait to follow every little bit of your progress. xoxo

  4. This is just frustrating to read, I can only imagine how you are feeling.
    Send me your results... :)

  5. As if this journey is not frustrating and anxiety inducing enough!! Hang in there, it will be worth it in the end.

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